Zach Thinks Deep.

The Fixer

2011-12-28T14:31:00.000-08:00

We all have problems right? I certainly wouldn't suggest that my problems are any bigger than anyone else's. In fact, I would probably be more apt to assume that my problems are relatively small. I'm cool with that, and pretty thankful really. I hate problems, real problems. But, I LOVE to fix problems. I think I may have a bit of a hero complex. I think my friend* Eddie Vedder may have a bit of this too.

I want to fix everything, like this song, "The Fixer." It doesn't matter how big or small the problem, I want to do something... anything to mitigate the damage. I hate damage too. Its why being a paramedic is such a great fit and sometimes a huge burden for me. Something I've never been able to get ahold of is this ability to do what I can then walk away. Some medics have it and some do not. I do not.

This is really a broken record to my wife - something I'm sure she's acutely aware of - and I'm told "its a guy thing." Though it very well may be "a guy thing" I think that the wanting to fix everything is a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Most people probably don't know the extent of the pain that my family is enduring right now. My family (which used to be called the neighborhood "Brady Bunch" by my buddies when I was a kid) is now broken. My wife, kids and I are fine, so to speak. I don't think that we need any compassion, actually, maybe our pain is our compassion** for the brokenness and hurting hearts of the rest of our family.

True to form, I tried to fix it and got hurt in the process.

Another time, I saw a need in our community. I committed to trying to do something. The problem is big and I am very small, which I learned via crash landing. Yes, I am tenacious, but not tenacious enough, or maybe too tenacious... to be honest, I don't freaking know what my deal is.

So I collaborated with several experts and activists who are also in the field. I came up with an idea for the basic framework of what I hoped would be a concerted effort to attack this social ill. I brought it to a group that I assumed would share my vision and love the idea and help me get some momentum. I was met with only objection after objection. They eventually told me that I was "welcome to move forward" only after I had admitted that this was too big for just me and highlighted my need for help. I didn't get any volunteers, just told that if I wanted to see this come to fruition, I'd better be willing to do it by myself. That's impossible and the folks I brought it to knew it. In other words, they said "sure go for it, it'll be no skin off our noses when you fail."

Never have I been more disappointed in a group of men whom I'd previously come to respect. But, I'm going to defend them now, as hard as that is to believe.

Then there are other people, younger guys, who I think have promise. Guys whom I would love to encourage and help along their way to realizing their potential. Some people call this "discipling," something that many Christian talking heads, bloggers and platitude writers-think all of us Christian guys should be doing. I'm fairly certain that I SHOULD NOT be doing this. I am happy to teach a little Bible lesson. I am happy to help with the basic theology, however, discipling is an old man's game, and most old men+ either don't give a rip about young men or young men cannot relate or care very little about the old men.

My problem is that I want to fix every one of these problems. I want to help everyone. When someone's sick, I want to fix them. When someone's emotionally hurt, I want to fix them. When someone's down in the dumps, I want to fix them. When a situation needs fixing, I want to step in and be the hero. Part of the reason, I'm sure, is that I just want to end suffering. If I were to be completely honest, I think that there is at least an equal portion of wanting to step in and be the hero. I love to be needed. We all do. If i can fix one problem, maybe you'll realize my value and want me to around to fix more making me indispensable.

Here's the problem, as a Christian, my goal should be to glorify God. In other words, my life should, in some way, magnify His greatness, His holiness and His love. While that is certainly something that God's focused me in on, I still try to do it on my own power. Its like my 2 year old daughter taking a pink plastic squishy squeaky hammer out to the driveway to help me fix my broken down car. The problem is too big. She doesn't understand that scope and the intricacies of car engine repair. Her tools are inadequate. She doesn't even know how the car works. She just sees the problem and thinks that she can fix it with her hammer because that's something that she's sorta seen work... kinda.

I'm that little kid with the squeaky, squishy hammer. I want to fix everything, even when sometimes the problem doesn't really want to be fixed. God may have a way for me to help and definitely wants a willing participant, maybe to hold a bolt and washer to make sure it doesn't fall into the engine and get lost, but He never really needs me.

I hope, really hope, to avail myself to the possibility to help fix things when God can use me. I suppose doing my part would be to be vigilant and sensitive to need and make myself available to it whenever it seems that there is something I can do, but I haven't quite figured out when I should take one of those big steps and really commit to a problem. Once again, I see myself as much too big and God as much too small. I see a big problem and want to be the solution instead of letting God be the solution, and, to be honest, I'm not really sure what that means either and it might just be more meaningless Christianese jibberish. One thing that I know for certain: I would rather take on suffering and fail miserably than ever become one of those revolting apathetic human beings who never even try.

* Eddie Vedder and I are not really friends but I'm sure, if we could ever hang out, we'd be instant BFF's.
** The etymology of the word compassion comes from the Latin meaning "to suffer with"
+ I really don't know what qualifies as old anymore. I have patients who are in their forties who tell me they are old and I have patients in the 90's who tell me that they aren't, so interpret this however the heck you want.

"...the essential vice, the utmost evil..."

2011-12-14T15:06:00.000-08:00

My old Coast Guard uniform that I was once
so proud of now hangs in a dusty steamer
trunk in my garage. Weird huh?

Pride goes before destruction,

and a haughty spirit before a fall.

(Proverbs 16:18 ESV)

We're all familiar with the old axiom that "Pride comes before the fall." I personally have never really considered what that means. The adage, of course, is rooted in the proverb above, but what does it really mean?

I wonder, because, if it is true, then I may be in jeopardy. But I've seen prideful people have great success. I've seen prideful people excel in everything from relationships, athletics, and business to making money, philanthropy and even ministry. So if I am to say "Pride comes before the fall," to someone whose behavior I interpret as prideful, am I myself being prideful in assuming that my advisement is actually rooted in truth? I mean, is this whole thing really all that existential? Am I just being overly dogmatic in my application? Or could there possibly be an even more dire concern in this warning.

Many of my readers have likely delved into C.S. Lewis great work Mere Christianity and for you, this article is unlikely to present any new revelations about sin, destruction, love, grace and God. My hope is three-fold: 1) to gain insight myself into what pride has to do with destruction 2) help others make sense of the same thing and see the pride in their own life and 3) inspire others to engage in conversation about what constitutes pride and makes it so destructive.

Lewis writes in chapter 8 of Mere Christianity, "Well, now, we have come to the centre. According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride." Who are these Christian teachers? I recall hearing a podcast of this sermon by Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church a couple of years ago while on my way to work. He highlighted a lot of terms that we use instead of pride. He also made some really good points about what it is in which our pride resides. He, as usual, is pretty, um... robust in his description of what pride is, but he's no less accurate. Really, if you watch this video, reading this post any further is entirely unnecessary, so I will keep it short so as to not re-invent the wheel.

We saw already that Solomon taught in Proverbs that pride leads to one's own demise.

In Mark 7:20-23 Jesus teaches that pride defiles a person.

Another teacher of this is Peter, a man who knew pride and exhibited it in a famous episode in which he promised Jesus that he'd never betray him (Matthew 26:33-35) **SPOILER ALERT** he does.

God Opposes The Proud

Pride is destructive. Humility is constructive. They are in direct opposition to one another. The problem with humility, as Pastor Driscoll made clear, is that you can't put it on a resume because the second you do, you're no longer humble. What a frustrating paradox, right? But God no less opposes pride and exalts humility. Lewis goes on to write:

Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.

Lewis went on in the following paragraph to submit that this may sound like a slight over-zealousness in his condemnation of pride, but if you really think about it, you can see good reason for such dramatic and concrete language. The argument becomes turns from "Pride is bad" to "Pride is idolatry." It is the worship of self, or putting your personal image above God. The truth is that God doesn't just oppose the proud, the proud oppose God. To fail in humility before God is to dethrone him from His position of Lord of your life. Complete surrender to His will is our goal, pride is a direct contrast to that.

Pride Is Idolatry

Pretend for a moment that you didn't know already that this blog post is about pride. Read these words from Lewis and consider, from a non-Christian, un-Biblical point of view what great sin to which you might think he's referring:

There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. I have heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their heads about girls or drink, or even are cowards. I do not think I have ever heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this vice.

Do you think he's insulting non-Christians or being condescending? I believe quite to the contrary, that he is highlighting the major paradigm shift that must first take place in order to be a Christian. You must give up your own Lordship over your life to God.

The Pride Test

You might be wondering if you are prideful yourself. Maybe you're a Christian and you aren't sure if this is a problem in your life. Maybe you're not sure if you're a Christian and wonder if you've ever accepted the Lordship of Christ. Perhaps you don't know God and doubt that you are in fact all that prideful and think that, as usual, I'm just writing a bunch of nonsense. I'll paraphrase Lewis' little pride test:

The more pride you have, the more you hate the pride in others because their pride contends with your pride (they think they are better than you and you know that you are better than them). So take this pride test: ask yourself, "How much do I dislike when someone gets all uppity and condscending to me? Or when someone refuses to acknowledge or ignores me? How irritating is it to me when people add their two-cents without my asking, or patronize me, or one-up me?"

I failed. How'd you do?

What Pride Isn't

On the other hand, there are things that we can be proud of, if by pride you mean "heart-felt admiration of." For instance, I was proud of my unit when I was in the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard Cutter Chase was a highly decorated and well-oiled machine who broke drug0interdiction records every where it went. You can be proud of your kids because they are talented and gracious. You can be proud of your country, because it cares for it's citizens and has a benevolent presence throughout the world. However, this heart-felt admiration turns to pride when the result is thinking more of yourself because of your military unit, or your kids accomplishments.

In 2 Corinthians 11:30 Paul, the apostle, says that he boasts in his weaknesses. That's okay too, but why would anyone want to boast in that. he goes on to explain in chapter 12 that these weaknesses are where the strength and glory of God are most revealed. It is in our weakness that we depend on the strength of Christ, and in the strength of Christ is our only true strength.

Humility Isn't The Answer

Now we're going to revisit the paradox of humility. You can't make yourself more humble and then say to yourself, "Finally, I've arrived, I'm humble now." Because, as Pastor Driscoll noted, you are no longer humble at that point. Therefore, the cure for pride is, in fact, more God. As John the Baptist said of Jesus in John 3:30.

Ooooookay... what does that mean?

Lewis drew a dramatic picture of what this looks like when he wrote, "In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that—and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison—you do not know God at all."

In short, as long as you are proud, you cannot know God. because, again quoting Dr. Lewis, "a proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."

Please give leave some feedback. My wife, Elizabeth and I had a complex discussion on this and we both realized (and have been realizing) that pride is a problem in both of our lives. This topic comes from happenstance of having recently studied some of these scriptures and thumbing through Mere Christianity again. The conversation stemmed from one began by my wife who struggles with this in the same way I do. This blog post comes from a desire to hammer it out in front of a live studio audience in order to help really internalize this lesson, since, according to Solomon and all the other teachers here, it seems to be pretty darn important.

Preparation

2011-11-22T18:58:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine, actually, my ambulance partner and friend, Matt Bitz, just returned from a 16 day mission to the interior of Africa. It was his first such trip as a medical missionary. We haven't really had a chance to talk about it yet but he's been keeping us up to date on his blog "Africa Medical Outreach Team". He's shared some of his struggles with adjusting to African culture and now the almost unavoidable shock from returning home.

I struggled with him as he prepare for this mission. He had a totally different set of hurdles to jump over than I did but he was eager, even if in his naivety, to just get there and serve. This attitude where he just kind of jumped in head first without so much as asking for advice or opinions on whether or not he should tether himself to this potentially life-threatening quest to bring medical aid and encouragement to Ugandan kids is a source of encouragement to me that I probably couldn't explain in so many words to him personally.

I worried a lot over his adaptability to the missionary lifestyle, the constant on-the-move material and physical insecurity of this kind of trip and the stress of not just seeing but experiencing the extreme desperation of a developing country on the other sie of the globe.

he sent back pictures of smiling kids, African wildlife, exhausted fellow mission staffers and objects that have more significance to him than they ever will to you or me. His experience was different than anyone who went before, or anyone who will go after, however, he walked in the footprints of giants like Dr. Davi Livingstone, Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Sir Henry Morton Stanley and many hundreds of others whom carried their coffins with them into the interior of Africa with the full expectation that they were going to die there. I'm not fit to count myself among them.

You see, I leave for Haiti soon on my second medical mission to the equally desperate country. There has been a desire to impress upon others that they shoul follow in my example. This is a nation that I regretfully actually had animosity toward from experiences relayed to me from fellow-Coasties that I once served with who had been there and in the surrounding waters.

I had heard stories of how little regard there was for human life, the disease, the human trafficking and the pitiful conditions of the interdicted migrants in the Caribbean waters surrounding Hispaniola. I have Dominicans try to persuade me not to go, and when I refused to heed their warnings, they would proceed to "prepare" me for what I was to encounter.

Honestly, it was unlike anything I'd ever seen, and I am no stranger to developing countries. But everything I had heard, all the accounts and all the warnings, none of them actually prepared me for the experience. Preparation in the military, fire department and EMS as I remember it involves training, role-playing scenarios, videos, photographs and what ever sort of media or exercise someone could dream up to portray the environment we were about to embark upon.

None of that would have worked for Haiti. To be honest, I didn't even really know what I'd be doing when I got there. These teams have plans, but nothing goes according to plan and its just as important to be flexible and adapt to the dynamic and unpredictability of a country, culture and climate that one has no mental model to use in order to make sense of it all.

I implore others, if you must find a person whose example you should follow, choose one of the great missionaries, apostles, martyrs or Jesus. Not me. I don't deserve any adulation or kind regards. I didn't do anything but avail myself to the opportunity.

Preparation for this is spiritual. I know, sounds hokey right? It really is though. You have to just give up control. Give it to God and say "Geronimo" as you jump in head first, just like Matt did. Missionaries seem to understand this better than anyone else. I'm not kidding. If the couple dozen missionaries I've met in my life can serve as a representative sample of all missionaries, they must be the most laid back people on the planet.

This last Sunday I had the chance to sit down around a camp fire with some of the most wonderful Christians I've come to know at my church along with my parents and even my grandma. We sang some worship songs that really moved my spirit, ate s'mores and prayed... REALLY prayed. I don't feel as ready as I should be to totally lean on God, but I'm confident that I will be because of that prayer and the prayer we had that morning during the church service.

Prayer, that's all the preparation you really need for this. If you think about it, its really quite silly that we think we can prepare ourselves for something that only God can foresee. Total reliance, faith, a sacrificial love for Him and desire to glorify Him comes through the Holy Spirit (GOD) with prayer. I stopped worrying about Matt, I'm not worried about Abby who will be traveling with me on this Haiti mission an I'm not worried about myself because success is not contingent upon my own competency but on my willingness to let God rule.

My Selfishness: Why I'm not as evolved as you might think.

2011-11-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite authors, Jon Krakauer, wrote monumental literary gems like Into The Wild and a must read for any adventure enthusiast, Into Thin Air. In this account Krakauer chronicles the very tumultuous and chaotic 1996 ascent of Mt. Everest in which multiple international expeditions attempted to summit the world's highest mountain peak at the same time. This circus of errors resulted in several lives lost and huge changes in how permits are administered. Even in the midst of all this tragedy and loss, Krakauer somehow manages to reach the summit, a goal that most would consider the very pinnacle of human achievement.

Krakauer at the summit from Amazon.com profile

There he is, on the top of the world. His cold, sore, numb and oxygen deprived body beckoned him to return beck to an altitude more conducive for human life. He recalls his thoughts: "But now that I was finally here, standing on the summit of Mount Everest , I just couldn't summon the energy to care."

Krakauer absolutely stunned me. I wondered how could someone reach that pinnacle of human achievement and not feel anything but pure ecstasy. It was an outrage!

I read that amazing book 12 years ago, and my understanding of some of the more subtle human reactions to pain, loss and pride make a lot more sense now. I haven't accomplished anything comparable to summiting the world's greatest monolith. As a paramedic, though, I occasionally get the great honor of saving someone's life. The following is a brief account of such an event:

We found a lady, younger than my own mom, not breathing and pulseless. We started CPR, intubated, gave her the stereotypical epinephrine and atropine IV medicines and did all those things that we train so hard to do right. The result, it should be no surprise, is that we saved her. By the time we arrived at the hospital with this woman, the ER had to give her a sedative because she was freaking out about the tube that was down her throat (that's a very good sign). That's when her husband walked toward me, tears in his eyes and gave me one of the htightest hugs I've had in my life. I received the most sincere gratitude I've ever heard uttered before or since.

I felt nothing. No sense of accomplishment. No sense of relief. No sense of joy. Nothing.

I just couldn't summon the energy to care. And, to be completely honest, I really didn't want to care. I still had 10 hours of shift work ahead of me, about an hour of paperwork and more 911 calls to run. Life accomplishments don't end like movies. There's always another obstacle to overcome, life to save, or goal to reach. So how on earth are we expected to not be apathetic?!

I honestly can come up with no greater answer than that it is an act of obedience to the great Commission and many other commands spelled out for us, Christians, in the Bible. In this obedience, there is reward in itself, namely, great satisfaction in pleasing God. Its the truth.

When, you are inquiring about a trip to Haiti from a simple paramedic, or talking to a missionary doctor about their year long ministry in the slums of India, and you compliment them on there dedication and service, the answer is invariably tinged with a sense of guilt. Guilt because they know that there is no way, in God's green earth, they would be going to these lengths to serve others if it weren't for the example that Jesus first set for them. They know that it is the work of Jesus in their lives that makes them willing to sacrifice a little to gain a lot. They believe in the martyred missionary Steve Saint's indelible words "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

Is there risk involved? Absolutely, but that wont deter the real Jesus freaks out there who know Jesus' words in John 12:

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.
(John 12:24-26 ESV)

This may seem obscure, irrational, irresponsible or outrageous, much like Krakauer's unappreciative thoughts on reaching the summit of Mount Everest seemed an affront to sensibilities to me, but there is eternal truth in these words. I'm not taking risks anymore for the short lived thrill of a sudden catecholamine dump into my veins. If I take a risk at all, its for something infinitely more worthy. That is the cure for apathy. That is the "radical" way of life people keep talking about. That is the life that we, as Christians, are called to experience, and none of it would be possible without the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of the saved.

This Must Be Prayer Week

2011-10-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

For Johnny, one of our Creole translators, prayer was both planned and impromptu,
in public or in private.

Curiously, I keep learning about prayer this week. I still don't know enough about it, but I have had a conspicuously enlightened couple of days, thanks in total to God's word.

Being a deacon at my church and involved in a few different ministry, over the last couple of years I'm asked more and more to pray out loud at church and outreach events. I really didn't like doing this for a long time. In fact, I can still remember my first out-loud prayer in front of a group at my church's weekly Wednesday night prayer meeting maybe 5 years ago. It was a small gathering of probably 30 people or so and we were all praying, one at a time, for prayer requests brought to our attention by the pastor.

I don't recall being asked to pray for anything, so I spoke up on my own, I had been working on this elaborate prayer with just the right words. It was going to be articulate, sound all spiritual and speak to the hearts and minds of the other congregants. I started off by asking for God's blessing on "Orangeburg Avenue First Baptist Church." That was awkward. I came to find out later that the church is actually a member of the Southern Baptist Convention. The rest of the prayer I stuttered through, forgetting the beautiful pontiff-quality prayer I had intended and ending with a very urgent (and needed) "amen." Humiliated and disheartened by my failure to pray a real prayer, the pastor, over the next several months, taught about prayer and added little tidbits of advice and personal anecdotes on how to pray.

Until then, I hadn't realized that there was a way to pray! I didn't really ever actively research it, even though I always found resources that taught me. You know who knows how to pray? Missionaries! And I read a lot of books about missionaries.

This week though has been extraordinary as I, through answered prayer, have learned about prayer.

Here are some of the things I've learned recently and over the last 5 years or so:

Lesson #1: There are different types of prayer.

Type 1 is Adoration: appreciating God for who he is apart from what he has done for us.

Type 2 is Confession: acknowledging to God our specific sin and seeking his pardon.

Type 3 is Thanksgiving: appreciating God for his benefit to us.

Type 4 is Supplication: interceding for ourselves or other according to God's will.

Lesson #2: When we pray, the focus must be on God's will.

Why? because we don't affect God's will. Its His will, not ours, we need to get in line with Him. So how does this work? Well, I haven't nailed out the details, but I feel like I have a better grasp on this now than I ever have. When you see answered prayer take place, it was always God's will that it should take place, like the account from Brother Andrew who came to be known as God's Smuggler. Andrew was known for smuggling Bibles into the communist bloc of the USSR and China, sometimes in plain sight of police. His prayer was almost always simple and to the point, that God blind the police to his contraband, and time and time again, He did. There might have been a box of 100 bibles sitting in the front seat of his car, and the police wouldn't even notice.

That's an example of praying for something that is already God's will. God wanted those Bibles in the country, he heard the prayers and the acknowledgment from brother Andrew that only God was capable of getting those Bibles into the country and keeping him from being imprisoned, and God's will was done.

(There was another example here of a friend who had a recently answered prayer that I really wanted to put in here, but I need to ask his permission first. Check back tomorrow after I've had a chance to talk to him.)

But how do we know God's will? Check out Matthew 6. it's all about God's will, and even contains a short template for how our prayers should go and that provided me with more insight on how to pray than any other lesson.

Pray then like this:

“Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

(Matthew 6:9-13 ESV)

Notice the format. It starts with adoration, supplication, confession and then supplication again. What I would suggest is when you are praying, since this is in fact HOW Jesus told us to pray, using this format, especially at first, and use your own words. As you do, you'll notice that this entire prayer is a proclamation of our own subjugation to God's rule. In essence, the entire prayer acknowledges that He is Lord over our lives, that he desires for our well-being and that we are the ones who need to get our wills in line with His!

Furthermore, Jesus wouldn't instruct us to pray these things and request such things if it wasn't God's will or if God didn't intend to answer these requests and acknowledgments.

Do not think that you cannot pray for healing or any other need that comes to mind because you do not know if it is God's will. Pray with boldness, seek God's will for it in your life and seek His wisdom through Bible reading and guidance. The scripture is sufficient for answering your questions about God's will. Also, just the act of asking for these things exhibits your understanding that you are subject to God's will and that he is ultimately in charge.

I think I want to make prayers of intercession, praying for others and ourselves, ( aka "prayer requests") a blog post of their own, so I think I'll revisit this subject in a future post.

Please leave me a comment with any questions, suggestions or whatever. This is something we should definitely have regular dialogue on as a church. (As iron sharpens iron)

What John Taught Me About Prayer

2011-10-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

I really love the Gospel of John's chapter 14. Not just because one of my favorite verses comes from that chapter (John 14:27) but because I have found that a lot of the most probing questions on the minds of people I encounter in the course of what we call "street ministry" can be quickly and succinctly answered simply by turning to this chapter. I don't really know what it is about the topics covered in chapter 14 that seem to really plague the minds of both Christian and non-christian homeless people and addicts, but this chapter seems to really sum up and assuage many of their fears and concerns.

"The Little Green Gideon's Bible"
These little Bibles have notoriously small type.

I recently had an encounter with a homeless man who've I'm come to know over the years. We'll call him John. I've run into him repeatedly in the past and Jesus has come up several times, but he never seemed receptive, and on bad days, he was even a little opposed to talking about Jesus, but he usually humored me. He had once been a deacon in his church, a member of a very active and missional primarily African-American Baptist church. He struggled for years with wondering if he was actually a Christian, but always struggled in quiet. This struggle wore him down emotionally and spiritually over the years.

In his 40's, when his health began to fail, he found himself drinking more and more. When he didn't drink, he'd get depressed (not necessarily about the question of his salvation, since he had more or less given up caring about that), so he drank more and often. 19 years later, his liver is failing him and he is having seizures about once a month. He feels that the weight of his sins is piling on him and he even knows that Jesus died to take those sins away. So why does he still struggle with this?

This one day, John was sober, painfully sober. I asked him if he was working out his issues with Jesus and if he'd been praying and reading his Bible.

His issues had not improved, his Bible was missing and so were his reading glasses. God was planning an object lesson.

John said that he knew Jesus could help him, but his problem is that he didn't know how to really ask for help with his alcohol from God or how to let God help him. Something I think most of us struggle with from time to time as well. Once again, John 14 held the answer...

Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
(John 14:13-14 ESV)

We talked about what this meant for a little while and he seemed relieved with the implications in this passage and with the reassurance Jesus gives us in God's faithfulness. Now on to the next issue...

I happened to be carrying a little green Gideon's New Testament in my backpack just for him that day. He was elated to get his hands on a Bible again (his had apparently been missing for a while). But his elation was suddenly replaced with a surprising solemnness. He opened it up and thumbed through trying to find the verse we just talked about and sighed with tears in his eyes.

"The letters are too small," he said staring down at the ground, his voice cracking as if he had just received a life altering diagnosis. his reading glasses had been missing for weeks.

That didn't surprise God though. I had recently purchased some reading glasses during a special sale in which they priced 2 for the price of one. I told him that I had an extra pair in my backpack too. He tried them on and the magnification was perfect. The thought must have crossed our minds at the same time because just as I was about to ask if he'd been praying for a Bible and some reading glasses he blurted out that he HAD!

The fact that this was an answer to prayer and an object lesson in God's faithfulness wasn't lost on either of us.

I haven't seen John since, and really would love to run into him again but he hasn't been at any of his regular spots, which is really uncommon for homeless alcoholics who usually pick an area to use as a sort of home base and stay there, sometimes for years. I pray for him when I think about him and thank God for these little experiences.

Divining: Astrology, Palmistry, and Necromancy.

2011-09-20T06:55:00.001-07:00

Palm reading, also known as "Palmistry" is a form of
divining.

I've noticed a somewhat disturbing trend among Christians in the last couple of years. It involves something that many would consider harmless, but I just want to bring you a thought and have you pause for a moment and reflect on this for yourself. I'm talking about horoscopes. Well, horoscopes, palm reading and other forms of "divining."

First, I want to draw your attention to 1 Samuel 28. This a chapter in which Saul seeks to destroy the Philistines once again and faces what seems to be enumerable odds against him. This isn't the first time he's faced a stronger enemy, this isn't even the first time it look like Israel would be crushed by the this enemy during Saul's reign. He had been to war with the Philistines several times. In fact, Goliath was a Philistine and David had already shown Saul God's faithfulness to Israel by slaying the 9 foot tall career warrior-freak of nature while not wearing armor and only wielding a few rocks and a leather sling.

Saul had consulted with Samuel, a messenger and prophet of God several times throughout his reign as the king of Israel. "Now Samuel had died, and all Israel had mourned for him and buried him in Ramah, his own city. And Saul had put the mediums and the necromancers out of the land." (1 Sam 28:3) Saul had since fallen out of God's graces. God was raising up a replacement for him in David, Saul's humble servant. Saul, overcome with evil at times, repeatedly attempts to track David down and kill him, but never succeeds. David, on the other hand has defeated the Philistines, Amelekites and many other formidable opponents with and without the royal blessing.

Saul is well aware that his reign is coming to an end but his foolishness undermines his own will to govern Israel effectively. We join the story now after Saul has kicked out all diviners of all sorts, necromancers, and fortune tellers because the Jewish law, the holy law, had forbid the use of "mediums" such as these for followers of God. (Lev. 19:31; 20:6, 27; Deut. 18:10–12; see also 1 Sam. 15:23

Saul however, still seeks the counsel and advice from Samuel, who is already dead. He goes to a nameless woman diviner and commands her to call up Samuel's spirit. She does. Samuel tells Saul how it is:

15 Then Samuel said to Saul, “Why have you disturbed me by bringing me up?” Saul answered, “I am in great distress, for the Philistines are warring against me, and xGod has turned away from me and yanswers me no more, either by prophets or by dreams. Therefore I have summoned you to tell me what I shall do.” 16 And Samuel said, “Why then do you ask me, since the Lord has turned from you and become your enemy? 17 The Lord has done to you as he spoke by me, for zthe Lord has torn the kingdom out of your hand and given it to your neighbor, David. 18 aBecause you did not obey the voice of the Lord and did not carry out his fierce wrath against Amalek, therefore the Lord has done this thing to you this day.19 Moreover, the Lord will give Israel also with you into the hand of the Philistines, and tomorrow you band your sons shall be with me. The Lord will give the army of Israel also into the hand of the Philistines.”

What has Saul done! He realizes that he has assured his own destruction and furthermore sought the counsel of dead spirits, something strictly forbidden. Saul is, summarily, destroyed and David installed as the new King of Israel.

Let's consider that divining is: "(from Latin divinare "to foresee, to be inspired by a god", related to divinus, divine) is the attempt to gain insight into a question or situation by way of an occultic standardized process or ritual"

The Wikipedia article on the topic lists the most common types here including:

Astrology, movements of celestial bodies
Augury, bird flight
Bibliomancy, books; frequently, but not always, religious texts
Cartomancy, cards
- Taromancy, a form of cartomancy using tarot cards
Cheiromancy, palms
- Palmistry, lines and mounds on the hand
Chronomancy, about time, lucky/unlucky days
Extispicy, animal entrails
Feng shui, earthen harmony
Gastromancy, stomach-based ventriloquism (historically)
Geomancy, markings in the ground, or the way earth or soil lies when thrown
Gyromancy, making ones own self dizzy and falling on letters in a circle to predict the future
Haruspicy, livers of sacrificed animals
Hydromancy, water
I Ching divination, yarrow stalks or coins and the I Ching
Lithomancy, stones or gems
Necromancy, the dead, or spirits/souls of the dead
Numerology, numbers
Oneiromancy, dreams
Onomancy, names
Pyromancy, fire
Rhabdomancy, rods
Runecasting/Runic divination, runes
Scrying, reflective objects
- Crystallomancy, crystal ball
Spirit board, planchette or talking board divination
Tasseomancy, tea leaves or coffee grounds

Traced to as far back as the 3rd millenium BC,
ancient civilizations developed astrology as a calendrical
system for predicting both seasonal shifts and interpret
celestial cycles as signs and divine communications.

Notice astrology there. You may yourself, consider this to be harmless, some consider the Ouija board a harmless toy as well. I'm not going to go into any great detail on how I feel about the legitimacy of these things, but one think I do want to point out is that both Christians and Jews are Biblically forbidden from these things, whether one considers them to be real or not.

Just some food for thought.

Apathy: Is Not Caring a Disease?

2011-08-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings.

- Helen Keller

This specimen has clearly given up on life. Notice the unkempt hair, unshaven face, mustard and ketchup stains on the shirt, chocolate ganache from last night's cupcakes still on his face. Makes one shiver in repulsion, doesn't it?

We've got this huge abscess right in the middle of our minds. Its dark, its deep and its scary. It first infects our minds with excuses. After the excuses are exhausted it causes us to make comparisons to justify its presence. After it gets a substantial foothold and full blown septicemia occurs it goes so far as not even making excuses for itself anymore. Because its so powerful now, it no longer feels the need to defend itself. At this stage of apathy, we become infectious. We infect our classmates, co-workers, friends and even family.

Here are some of my thoughts on the disease:

A sense of meaninglessness pervades our society today. That's nihilism. Maybe you believe that our ability to bring about change doesn't really matter because whatever's going to happen in the future will happen anyway and we are powerless to change that. That's fatalism. Maybe you believe that the world has gone crazy and there's no point in trying to fix it because you'll end up defeated anyway. That's defeatism.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but not caring is completely antithetical to the Bible.

But then again, who hasn't been at a point in their lives where life seemed meaningless or, even worse, they felt useless? Maybe you have felt useless before. Maybe it was because you thought that you had nothing to offer (which is a lie you've been told) or maybe because your current life situation seemed to stifle your ability to affect and bring about change. I've been there too.

Maybe you've wondered, "What's the point?" We have so much time left in our lives, right? I mean, teenagers, 20-somethings, 30-somethings... they still have a huge part of their lives ahead of them.

"Let's embrace our youth and worry about the grown up issues later, right?"

One of my favorite bands in High School was a punk group called Pennywise. One song that I often pondered was called "Waste of Time". In the song, the band poses a whole bunch of objections to Christianity and organized religion in general. They question the faith, Christians, God and even themselves, finally resting on the idea that he shouldn't waste his time wondering what the meaning of life is or if there is an after-life. But he's conflicted because he continues asking himself "Why?"

Here's part of the song (keep in mind, this is NOT a Christian band, although I have a degree of respect for the writer of the song for his courage in asking these tough questions)

I've got a question for all you sinners
Have you ever wondered is this all there is to life?
A quick adventure not much to mention
A slow procession leading us to die
Or is there a heaven a distant valley
A golden meadow waiting for us in the sky
No one right answer spirit seems broken
Still I just can't help but wonder why
Seems like a tragic waste of time
Who cares what happens when you die?
Life's too short to wonder why
Get on with your life

The final question in the song (except for the closing chorus which is included in this excerpt) is "I still can't help but wonder why"

While I don't know if Jim Lindberg (Pennywise's Front man) would agree, the overall tone of the song is one of apathy. He calls worrying about what happens when you die a "tragic waste of time." While I would counter that with the question: "What if there is a heaven and hell and you lived your entire life without being prepared for the reality of an eternal after-life? Wouldn't THAT be a tragic waste of time?" I don't know if his mind would be changed.

No matter, I still love Pennywise's music but disagree vehemently with their philosophy. I thank Jim though, for asking these difficult questions and challenging me to consider my position on the issue. In a large sense, his apathy, which at a time seemed almost attractive to me, is one of the things that God used to kindle a desire, a passion and to teach me to care.

The tragic waste of time is living without meaning. To live with meaning, however, we must find that purpose. While the Bible provides a rather inconvenient purpose (one in which we can no longer live like the rest of the world and at times suffer because of it) it is the ultimate purpose. This purpose can live itself out through all aspects of our lives from giving to the needy to telling others about Christ. Think of your life as a story.

Have you ever watched a movie about a guy who didn't really do much? He kind of just did what everyone else was doing? A guy who is too afraid of failing to take any risks? A guy who took chances only when the odds were clearly stacked in his favor? A guy who wore cool clothes, played video games, had a hot girlfriend but really never did anything truly noteworthy? Do you care about that movie? Do you think anyone really cares about that movie?

The movies that stick with us are the ones where people step outside their comfort zone, movies where people manage their way through a mine-field of conflict, getting to a point of near annihilation before, against all odds, they finally find the strength to make it through. The movies where the guy goes against the grain, does something unpopular but stays true to a philosophy or idea, even when people that should have been at his side turn on him are the ones that really inspire me. If the character has nothing to live for, no purpose, why would he bother fighting through conflicts? Boredom and lack of purpose go hand in hand. We need a purpose, something to drive us. It can be an unanswered question, or a desire to accomplish something, but there has to be something! And that's just the catalyst because caring is only the first step. Once you care, you've beaten the disease but you still need some time to fully recover.

Someone with malaria doesn't just wake up one day feeling ready to run a marathon. They may beat the disease, but their bodies need to recover from the atrophy and, more importantly, they need to get training. We'll talk about that later.

About Me - for the youth group

2011-08-18T00:59:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I went to Calaveras Big Trees State Park, up in the California Sierra Nevadas with four other good friends from my church. It was a retreat for youth leaders. That includes me now. This is weird to me. Not because I'm a youth leader, but because I never planned on being a youth leader. I suppose in a way, I always knew that I'd end up being involved with a youth group some day. I was when I was a youth, and now, it makes logical sense that I'd be involved in one again.

I was sort of drafted. I think God played it out this way and I have no doubt that, for a season, this is the place for me, but it still feels weird. That's not really my point though.

While sitting on a tiny little stage in the campground with the other youth leaders we were talking about how important it is to connect with the kids (you guys). I'm not great at that but I'm endeavoring to become great at that. Pastor Drew, our intrepid youth pastor, mentioned that my blog is useful for this purpose because it allows the kids (again, you guys) to see into my life and get to know me.

I've been writing this blog for a few years. I started it as a means to convey frustration over some life situations following the end of my enlistment in the Coast Guard. I was feeling stranded, stressed and scared. I had no real marketable skills but felt like I still had something to contribute (something I know teenagers can relate to). To whom or to what purpose could I contribute I did't know, but I had something. I started just writing about stuff: experiences, thoughts on philosophy, theology, politics and a few funny stories. The blog hasn't changed much except for an annual face lift (something long overdue now).

I'm almost always surprised when someone tells me that they've read my blog. I write it for other people to read it but still find myself aomewhat shocked when someone tells me that they read it. I don't like to go back and read old blogs because they embarrass me. I see how I've grown and continue to grow, now in my thirties. I've waxed and waned in passions but my blogs definitely trend toward some of my greatest values: God, ministry, family, and career. These continue to be the recurring themes. Writing styles change. Attitudes and politics change. Growth continues.

I wonder how a teenager in the youth group would interpret the changes. Would they read it and say “this guy is way too deep, I can't relate” or would they think “I totally feel that way too”? I try to be truthful and honest about myself and really seem to hit the nail squarely on the head at times, but other times sound entirely pretentious and fake. This is not the Zach I want other people to know about, but it is the real Zach. A conflicted Zach. I suppose there's nothing more universal than a fallible, fickle person.

I really enjoy reading certain parts of the Bible for that very reason. I see myself in so many characters. Peter's impetuousness reminds me of my hot passion for ministry and social justice that is sometimes smothered by my own cynicism. The Israelites throughout the Old Testament with their persistent idolatry and insolence remind me of my own daily struggles. Not to say that God hasn't worked in me and straightened out some serious messes, but there are unmistakable characteristics that we share.

If someone were to read a story about my life, I hope that they'd find some comfort in knowing that there are times when I'm pretty screwed up too. It takes some reading between the lines to see it, but its there. I'm not trying to be self-effacing, just honest. People are always saying that social networking and blogging encourages us to set up a false identity. We post pictures of ourselves with starving kids in Haiti or sucking in our gut at the beach. We post pithy comments to show how clever we are. We brag about ourselves, albeit using carefully planned subtlety and even calculated humility, showing that we're humble but still pretty awesome... all things considered. I do it and so does everybody I know. We manipulate each other by setting up these public personas. It may not quite be entirely dishonest, but its not the whole truth either.

This is my new un-cut “about me” section. This is what you should know about me before you decide to trust me as a youth leader. What you need to know is that I can be selfish and self-absorbed. I can be manipulative and even insecure. I also know that trust is essential where I am in a position to influence and project the truth onto a whiteboard in a classroom or in candid conversations. I've been teaching Bible studies for the last 3 years and have felt entirely unqualified at times. I've been asked to give advice and been dumb-struck by the gravity of the advice that I'm being asked to give. In those cases I defer to someone with greater wisdom, the Bible and ultimately prayer.

I really do care. I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't. I wouldn't be confessing that I'm flawed if I thought I was the only one. I want to see a generation of kids grow up to be spiritual power-houses, love sacrificially, put others before themselves and live like Jesus. I believe that this starts with the realization that we are not perfect. We need to understand our condition to understand what it means to have grace and what kind of love Jesus must have had for these “jars of clay” (see 2 Corinthians 4:7) in order to do what He did on the cross. The first step in becoming a Christian is always understanding the scale of our own imperfection. Why would I need to be forgiven if I'd never sinned, or was “good enough” or if being "better than most" were all that was required? Our flaws and faults, highlighted by the law of the Old Testament, directs us to the cross and the forgiveness and freedom from sin that comes from Jesus death and especially His resurrection. This is what I want to purvey to you. I strive to model who Jesus wants us to be, not always as well as I should, or even as well as I could (see Romans 7:14-25), but in a way that I hope makes me approachable as a fellow human who understands what it means to be a human.

I encourage you to read my blog, to dig deep and see who I am. Read between the lines. Judge for yourself.

No Cable, No DVR... Liam provides the object lesson

2011-08-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5 ESV)

You are probably wondering how this Bible passage fits in with the title, I will get to that. Until I do, consider this passage as I provide a synopsis of some conversations I had with my 7 (almost 8) year-old son on the topics of faith and suffering.

I took the boys to my parent's house Monday afternoon to swim. That lasted an hour or so before we packed up and made a stop by the grocery store for some ice cream at my wife's request. When we arrived home sometime around 6 PM we all immediately noticed a very frustrated mommy and an odd blue AT&T screen on our TV. This resulted in a ridiculous waste of time for most of the evening as we made attempt after attempt to resolve this problem. It seemed that our main cable box had "gone kaput" as my wife would say.

Elizabeth attempted to contact AT&T U-verse customer support via chat on their website. After the "representative" read to us from his step-by-step trouble-shooting manual. At first, it seemed like the problem was solved, until tragedy struck. Elizabeth checked for all of our recordings on our DVR and they were all GONE!

This did not go over well with Liam.who is a huge fan, nay, aficionado of all things "Phineas and Ferb." The 20 episodes that we had recorded were gone. As if that weren't bad enough, Owen (my 5 year old son) realized that their coveted recording of "Lego Star Wars" was also gone. This sent Liam into a fit of tears and Owen into silent introspection. Well, Owen sometimes has this blank stare on his face that appears completely devoid of emotion and I like to think that its just silent introspection, but I don't really know. Usually, when curiosity gets the best of me, I ask him what he's thinking. His typical reply is: "huh?"

Anyway, Elizabeth and I were struck by the adorableness of Liam's sober reminder that kids are electronics addicts and tried to console him. Elizabeth told him that when she was a kid, she didn't even have a cable. I told him that I didn't either and probably didn't have a VCR until I was 8 or 9. Liam had no idea what I was talking about. I let it go.

It took quite a while before Liam was prepared to grit through this minor disaster but eventually, he determined on his own that the only way through this was to keep a stiff upper lip and find something else to keep him busy tomorrow morning.

Every night, except for the occasional exemption when we get home late, we have a short Bible study at home with the kids where I read for a few minutes from whatever it is I'm studying on my own and discuss it with the boys and my wife. I know, it sounds totally Ward and June Cleaver, but the kids really enjoy it and since we rarely get to sit down to dinner together, its a great opportunity for us to connect as a family and teach my kids a little something from the Bible. Sometimes, the conversations get really deep as my kids impress us with the uncanny critical thinking ability. Most of the time though, its just a cool story and I try to get the boys to find a way to apply it to themselves or their own experiences.

The verse above I opened with is where we were reading on Monday night. First we discussed what it meant to be "justified by faith." When the boys showed meaningful understanding of this theological concept I asked what they thought it meant to be at peace with God. They blew that question out of the water! So I asked what Jesus had to do with it. Liam eventually recalled John 14:6 and we brushed the surface of the necessity of the propitiating sacrifice, something we touch on regularly. Then we came to "rejoicing in our sufferings"... the room went silent when I asked how someone could be happy and suffering at the same time. Silence.

I just recently re-read the chapter on suffering from John Piper's "Desiring God" which is one of my all-time favorite contemporary theological writings. I devour books about missionaries and POW's and marvel at their strength and moral conviction. I can recall so many stories and even some prose on joy in suffering, but still have difficulty with it myself and find it even more difficult to explaining it.

I could see in Liam's face that a light bulb just flickered to life.

"Dad, its like how the DVR doesn't record anymore and we lost all of our favorite shows. At first, I was sad because I wasn't going to get to watch old Phineas and Ferb shows, but then I realized that we will have room for new shows and I can be happy."

This is an extremely simplistic way to look at it, but certainly has merit. In fact, it seems pretty close to a perfect analogy.

I've always known that suffering is just part of life, and a necessary part of the Christian life. I'd like to write more on that but this post is getting a little long already. The best, most pithy version of why suffering produces joy is right there in the passage from Romans and I'm reluctant to attempt to improve on that.

Why I don't take vacations (Part II)

2011-08-01T17:21:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is the rest of the story:

I decided to take my two sons up to Fraser Flat Campground for a couple nights of camping and fishing on the South fork of the Stanislaus River. I find it incredibly impressive how when I used to go for an over-night camping/fishing trip with just my dog, everything I needed aside from my fishing gear fit into a medium sized backpack (something I'm quite proud of now). When it's me and my kids though, the entire back of the minivan, with the rear seat in the "down position", was filled to capacity.

Liam an Owen on the flume. Don't worry, its much safer than it looks here.

Our drive to Fraser Flat campground, at about 8000' elevation in the Sierras was uneventful and we even stopped for a few minutes to try to fish in one of the kid-friendly flumes that supposedly has trout stocked in it once in a while. It was completely devoid of fish. So we continued our leisurely drive on up Highway 108 arriving at Fraser Flat campground around 6 pm. We drove around the campground looking for a site but each and every site was filled up with laughing children, barbecuing dads and the obligatory worrying mom. I wasn't thrilled with the densely populated campground, but would have happily stayed there anyway. It would soon seem like Shangri-la compared to our next campground experience.

I had never been to this other campground before. It was called "Sandbar Flat" and the topographical maps showed it to be inside of a deep valley at only about 4000 feet elevation right along the middle fork of the Stanislaus river. I had heard that the fishing in this particular area was fantastic and thought I'd give it a shot. The only access to this site, however, was to traverse 10 miles of poorly marked and deeply rutted forest service roads. The website says that RV's and motor-homes are not recommended for travelling down this route. I don't recommend taking a minivan either.

I only took one wrong turn the entire time, which is proof alone of God's mercy because I had absolutely no idea where I was going. The roads were not marked and there was another road coming off the one we were supposed to travel every half mile or so. Then, there were three turns that you needed to make to arrive safely at the destination without ending up somewhere in the middle of an very unfamiliar forest. I guessed right all but once, and knew right away that I had taken a wrong turn because the dirt forest service road quickly turned into "Off Highway Vehicle" (OHV) only road. I backed as far as I could, but could no longer see out of my dust-caked rear window and mirrors. I tried the wiper, but it was stuck. I tried the wiper fluid but only a few drops came out. I backed as far as I was comfortable, but with a 100 foot drop on one side, I wasn't digging the blind backing. So I did my first 10 point turn and managed to spin the mini-van on its axis without so much as a scratch... again... thank God!

The boys began to get nervous during the drive down the dirt road, especially Liam. I was approaching the extent of my comfort zone as well. Not so much because I was afraid of being lost, but because I was concerned that, after my last brush with automotive catastrophe on my miraculous 10-point turn, I could cause some damage to my 2004 Ford Freestar which clearly was designed to take kids to Soccer practice and not driving down off-road trails with 500+ lbs of camping gear causing the rear suspension to bottom out every couple hundred feet. I would have been perfectly comfortable with just pitching my tent in a clearing and spending the night on the side of the forest service road and waiting until morning to find the campground. All told, that may have been a more pleasurable camping experience.

Liam recoiled at the very suggestion of this, so we ventured on. At one point, we came to a fork in the road with 3 options, all of which looked like perfectly reasonable routes to the campground. I was baffled. We prayed, and immediately afterward Liam yells "THERE'S A SIGN THAT SAYS 'CAMP-GROUND'!"

Liam takes aim with his very own "Red Rider" BB-gun.

He was right, and how he saw that thing from his car seat is beyond me. About 20 feet off the ground, nailed to a tree was a relatively minuscule 1'x2' natural wooden sign with an arrow pointing to the South. We were on our way. There was one more lucky/providential turn left and then I began to again wonder if I'd finally lost our way. I had made a decision about 30 minutes prior that if I didn't find the campsite by 7 pm, I would turn around and head back to the highway. That would give us exactly 1.5 hours of daylight to find our way out of the poorly marked forest service roads and to a different, more accessible campground. It was now 6:58 pm, as I recall looking down at the clock in the van. I told the boys, well, if we aren't there in 2 minutes, I'm turning around, then we turned one more switch-back and voila! There it was. And it was gorgeous!

The campground had only 3 other filled sites. We had our pick of a lush green grassy area by the river, a dark private boulder-surrounded site, one of the large spacious campsites in a grassy meadow in the middle of the campground or a heavily wooded site abutting the great steep valley wall. The kids chose the secluded boulder-enveloped site. I agreed, it was a very nice site. We had a peaceful evening with a dinner of campfire beans and grilled Spam and "super-sticky finger-licky s'mores." We walked down by the river and witnessed at least 30 fish jumping clear out of the water but the kids were too tired to fish and just wanted kick back at our site and hear a campfire story.

This BB-gun says, "Not for children under 10". Owen's 5... Yup, father of the year here!

Bedtime was phenomenal. The kids brushed their teeth and took the lantern into the tent with them were they giggled and teased each other about being afraid of raccoons and squirrels. I sat outside in my camping recliner and had a cigar. When it was too dark to see without a lantern, I went to bed. All seemed right in the world. We made it safely to our site, the crickets and frogs were singing their songs. There were no sirens, train horns, Harley exhaust pipes or car alarms. Just us and nature... until about 10:30 pm.

Suddenly, interrupting the perfect tranquility, the rumble of over-sized tires on the asphalt outside our tent woke each of us from our peaceful rest. Well, it was actually the rumble of the tires and the friggin' Mariachi music blaring from the open windows as, I am not kidding, 6 full-sized SUVs came rolling into camp. Each SUV was filled to capacity with snotty, disobedient, sugared-up kids who were each carrying any number of assorted types of obnoxious, sound-making devices. I tried to be patient. Owen was able to fall asleep through it all but Liam was furious!

I don't really blame the little guy. It took these insolent inconsiderate campers about 3 hours to set up their camps and shut-up. By then, they were all pretty well drunk. I know this because, being a paramedic in Stockton, CA, I'm pretty familiar with what drunk Spanish sounds like. I bit my tongue and said the serenity prayer over and over until I fell asleep.

I set my phone alarm for 5:00 am with the intention of waking up early, perking some coffee and heading out to fly fish from the bank for a couple hours until my kids wake up and want breakfast. I figured that if I was fishing by 5:30, I would probably be alone since the late night arrivals partied so hard over night.

I was wrong.

The bank was shoulder to shoulder kids and men casting golf ball sized globs of power bait to the hundreds of log-jam-locked rainbow trout with the sophisticated pallets. Each fisherperson complaining to me, as I walked up with my fly-rod, that the fish weren't biting. I cast a few times into some of the shallow areas where I could see the trout rising, but they were right. The fish were way too spooked to take a hook. I'm pretty sure everyone went away empty-handed that morning.

The mosquitoes came out at about 11 in the morning. The boys and I bathed in repellent and went for a hike. We walked East down this magnificent trail that took us past some raging rapids and peaceful deep blue-green pools. We passed a couple fishermen on our way down the trail on their way back to the campsite. I asked them where they had gone. They both told me that when they saw all of the people at the campground bank, which normally is splendid fishing, they decided to head upstream. They both found that it was too treacherous and difficult to access the water upstream for at least the first 3 miles and turned back.

Liam, Owen and I on our hike.

After hiking about a mile and a half, the boys started griping about being hot and tired, so we turned around and headed back as well, playing with the reeds on the side of the trail and discussing what kind of creature might be living in each and every crevice we passed. At one point, we passed over this small but inviting little brook. Liam, so inspired by the beauty of the fresh snow melt against the gravel creek bed, decided that he needed to thank God for it. Owen and I were happy to oblige and we all knelt down and had about five minutes of 1-on-1 quiet time with God. I love these kids!

As we approached our campground again, we heard the faint sound of a rap music. Then we heard dance music. There was a short burst of reggae, then sustained mariachi music for about, oh, the next 4 or 5 hours. When we returned to our campsite, we were so pleased to find that our late-arriving neighbors (like us) found the sound of a portable generator in these serene surroundings a bit obtrusive, so they placed it in my campsite. Interestingly, by the time we returned, instead of there being about 35 campers in this group as there were that morning, there were now well over 50 and another couple of cars arriving every hour.

But it got better. You see, these people weren't camping to enjoy the great outdoors. No no no... they were camping instead to bring all of their crap from home out here to enjoy it out in the open crisp Sierra Nevada air. That, and to make themselves at home. You see, this kind of camper doesn't understand that camping involves enjoying the lack of control that we have over nature and just going with the flow and enjoying the peace of being without modern indulgences and distractions. Then one of the most egregious affronts to this beautiful landscape came when the few trees that were left in this meadow where they had built their urban sprawl-esque party-camp, turned out to be in the way. In the way of what, I don't know. So they cut both of these 30 foot tall fir trees down are were cheered like heroes for doing it. Ugh! Then, like a mule-train, the men of the group could be seen carrying log after log from the nearby trail to their site and piled them up in a pile that reminded me of a scene from a movie where witches were being burned alive..

Owen was exhausted and Liam and I decided to take a nap too, so we all laid down in the tent. Just as we were falling asleep, the chain saw started. It started and didn't stop for a full 2 hours, when it was interrupted by sudden, skin curling battle cries (I think that's what they were, they sounded like "AAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAIIIIEEEE") and then repeated by several other people in the camp ground. Once the excited battle cries died off I overheard a very loud a conversation in Spanish about a 6 foot long rattlesnake. "Oh great," I thought. "Even on vacation I have to be a paramedic." Luckily for me, and not so much for the snake, that wouldn't be the case. I had to see what all the commotion was over so I peeked out of the tent and there stood a very sturdy looking heavily-tatooed bronze statue of a man holding a 6 foot long headless rattlesnake over his head like a WWF Wrestler holds his title belt. He paraded it around the campground showing to each and every site with the premise that his purpose was to warn us that there are rattlesnakes here... "uh, yeah, thanks."

Then the party really started to pick up. The freshly cut wood was getting piled into a huge heap with a gallon jug of gasoline by the side. I shutter to think what the plan was here. By abut 3 pm, most of the men there were pretty well intoxicated and had made a horseshoe pit on one end of the meadow, near our site and the generator. Mariachi music with the occasional Spanish-language dance music was blasting throughout the valley and the women were hard at work stirring a gigantic pot of something that I'm positive was delicious over an open fire.

To their credit. There was one instance where they helped me (and especially Liam) out a great deal. The bathrooms were on the other side of the campground. Liam had gone to the bathroom and managed to get himself locked inside. I couldn't hear his screams for help over the music and chain saws but, thankfully, one of our party-campers did, and rescued him. When I realized what was happening, after seeing 5 men sprint for the bathroom, I saw the door come flying open and Liam came shooting out of it like a cannonball, tears running sideways down his face as he made a bee-line straight through the party-camp to me, caring nothing about the laws of physics and gaining momentum at an improbable rate.

By about 4:30, realizing how drunk everyone already was and fearing a night of burning-man caliber insanity, I asked the boys if they minded heading home early. They both agreed that they'd rather just go home than suffer any longer. So we stopped for lunch and milkshakes in Sonora on the way home, took showers and went straight to bed.

And that is why I do not take vacations.

Why I don't take vacations (Part I)

2011-07-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

My EMT partner, Matt, has been asking me repeatedly, "when was the last time you took a vacation?"

I was before Maeve, my now 18 month old girl, was born. Actually, it was the Summer of 2009. I took 5 days off from work and went camping with my wife and two sons up near Jenner, CA on the beach. It was a glorious trip, but my last actual vacation. Partly because of money issues, partly because of school schedules but mostly because of my little wolverine daughter. My wife and I shiver just at the thought of taking this little stunt baby camping...Serious shivers... shivers and vertigo. The kind of sensations you get when standing up really really high like on the Golden Gate Bridge or the Space Needle and looking down. Looking down while a guy holds a gun to your back telling you that you either have to jump or he'll shoot you and throw you off. Those kind of shivers.

Yeah, and hotel vacations... well... lessee. A cheap hotel for just my wife and I would be at least $60 per night. But, because we would go absolutely insane with just one bed and kids all over the floor in a gross cheap hotel room, we'd end up getting a bigger room, probably to the tune of $100 per night or more. Plus, consider where we'd go. Disney land... forget about it. for one day, one kid it would be $74, so multiply that by 2 and $80 X 2 for my wife and I. And that's just one day, which would most certainly not be enough. And don't forgot about the souvenirs (we'll say about $20 per kid), meals ($10 per meal per person except Maeve), snacks (in the park, $5-10/day if we're being stingy), and gas to get down there and come back. According to Mapquest.com, its a 346.79 mile drive from my house. At approx 20 freeway mpg in the mini-van when fully loaded with luggage and the whole family with the cheapest gas around $3.60 per gallon that comes to a total price for fuel of $124.44. So we go for just 2 nights and spend only one day in Disneyland. A very conservative guess on the overall cost would be probably somewhere around $2222.44 before taxes.

With our humongous tax return, we certainly could afford it, but this is a pretty conservative estimate also of what it is going to take to get a lawn and shade in our backyard so that it'll finally be usable.... soooo anyway, that's why we don't take vacations, because, even for just one day of all-out, pedal-to-the-metal fun, we'd be broke and the whole purpose for the vacation, ya know, to relax, wouldn't happen because, again, I have a wolverine for a daughter.

In the next installment, I will relay what happens when I take time off work, despite my better judgement..

Books and Summer Ambitions: A Personal Challenge

2011-06-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

I realize that it would be doltish to just make of list of things that one wants for their birthday on their blog. If that's what your thinking, then, you are absolutely right! To be fair, though, my intention's really to instead to see if anyone shares interest in my current obsessions. First, the books above comprise my Summer reading list. I actually had a much larger list, but I just couldn't wait for Summer so I went nuts and read a a few of the books back to back. I'm about half-way through Desiring God and I am intensely enjoying the intellectual challenge of the book and the new perspective. One that was on my reading list that I read early and consequently recommend to just about everyone who has ever had even a passing interest in short term missions or poverty alleviation in the developing (majority) world is "When Helping Hurts". I recently finished this book andas a result developed a more healthy perspective on what should be the roles of short term missions in foreign countries like Haiti.

As for the gardening books that I have yet to purchase but have had my eye on for quite some time, I've linked these images to their Amazon descriptions.These are some fascinating guides that just about anyone would find intriguing.

As for more on social justice and similarly focused books, I've a couple picks:

If you have a theology wish list like me, here are a few you may want to consider as well. I don't own any of these, but really want to build up my theology library and I've been told that these are some great books to start with.

Let the Nations Be Glad!: The Supremacy of God in Missions - Piper

The Cross of Christ - Stott

Bible Doctrine - Grudem

Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine - Grudem

Think and Live: Challenging Believers to Think and Thinkers to Believe - Hughes

The Weight of Glory - C.S. Lewis

So that prety much sums up my Summer, Autumn, Winter, and Spring reading lists for the next 5 years.

I hope you take the chance to check some of these books out for yourself and enjoy your Summer reading list as much as I do.

The Missions Question

2011-06-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have been asking the question "Why do I want to do missions? What is motivation? Is it selfless and altruistic, is it selfish? Is it for the right reason?"

These are difficult questions to answer truthfully. There is certainly a school of thought that a human can do nothing more and will never do anything more than serve their own selfish needs. This egoistic philosophy asserts that even if the motivation for doing something kind is to receive adulations from on-lookers, friends and family, that it is fine because "at least you were doing something kind."

On the other hand, some seem to believe that people like Gandhi were entirely altruistic, caring nothing for themselves and only for others. Philosophically, I would argue both of these premises are flawed on the grounds that the motivation does matter, as does one's enjoyment of doing good.

If you were take your wife out to dinner as a sense of duty, not that you would enjoy her company, or that you loved her and it made you feel good to go out with her, but because you were dutifully fulfilling and altruistic obligation to occasionally do something nice for your spouse, what reward is such an outing to your wife? You aren't enjoying yourself, even if you're faking it, but the purpose of altruism is to do something with no desire of your own but to benefit others.

I suppose that you can go on quite a while faking this so-called love for your spouse, but it is much less meaningful if you are doing it out of duty and not because you somehow also receive joy when she does first. In otherwords, it makes me happy to make my wife happy.

I also disagree with the egoistic assumptions whereas feeding one's own unquenchable hunger for pleasure supplants any and all possible benevolent actions because love isn't at the heart but only selfish lust for praise, or whatever other reward there is for this kindness. I dismiss this particulrly philosophy because I do believe that the motivation is important. When one only serves himself, even if it works out so that he benefits from serving others still shows a lack of love, without which, I care no more about his actions than an actor's troubles in a movie. It is a facade.

However, if love is at the heart of all of these things, then these two ethos can co-exist but not in their current form. They must morph somewhat in order to join. Think of it more as mixing colors than re-configuring two computer programs so that they can be compatible. In the former, let's call them red and blue, even when mixed, they still retain their redness and blueness, but each one also gains the others unique quality creating a new color that is a perfect mixture of both yet retained the integrity of the individuals.

For example, a man decides to take his 8 year old son to his first major league baseball game. Dad remembers his first major league game and the butterflies in his stomach as he and his dad pulled into the stadium parking lot. He recalls the excitement that he felt while walking up the ramps and climbing the stairs to his nosebleed seats. He recalls the familiar smell of ballpark hotdogs and spilled beer. Then the utter awe as a child emerges from the dark stadium foyers and hallways to see for the first time a perfectly manicured beautifully green field in person is unforgettable.

The father is inwardly giddy (because a real man can't show giddiness outwardly) in anticipation of how happy this is going to make his son. He is altruistic because his son's happiness is the focus. He is egoistic because it makes him happy to see his son happy and is therefore seeking his own happiness. He is both because his son's joy brings him joy because of love.

So, here's where this leads me in my understanding of why I desire to do missions so intensely. I know that it pleases God. I know that bringing the gospel and medicine to a people who have neither brings joy to those people and to God. And because I love God and I love the lost, over-burdened, helpless, weak, hungry, enslaved, sick and plagued peoples of the world, thanks to the one whom Jesus sent, the holy spirit, not of my own moral fiber, I can tell you for sure that I receive a GREAT amount of joy in bringing joy to God and to these people.

In other words, it is altruistic because I just want to bring joy to these people, not out of unenthusiastic duty, but out of love. And this desire is egoistic because I desire the joy that I get from bringing them joy, which only comes from an altruistic, inexplicable love. Weird huh? But there you have it.

As an aside, there is one more small motivation that I would be remiss had I not mentioned. I think that paramedic, turned African missionary, Lynda Visco probably said it best in her memoir Walking by Faith, Not by Sight:

"I like my job very much, but sometimes I have to deal with situation and body parts that would make any good Christian blush. yet I don't. I feel my job keeps me bound to the secular world. That is why I want to leave all that behind me and concentrate on a closer walk with the Lord."

Pain and Joy: Lessons taught by my daughter

2011-05-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

This last Saturday, the family, Elizabeth's side, wanted to go play petanque or the Italian version of a similar game Bocce. The whole family, who were visiting from places where French is spoken and wine is drunk, converged on this club in the Bay area. A long table, flanked by two bocce courts and draped with elegant white linen, sat ready for us with twenty-one adult and three child place settings. All three children belong to me (or I to them). Our party ranges in age from my sixteen month old daughter to the seventy-somethings visiting from Quebec.

As we all politely converged on the immaculate dining platform, waiters brought out the bread, which I used to soak up the customary olive oil and balsamic vinegar in the dipping dish to my right. The waiters served salad in graceful synchrony, a crisp garden salad with Italian dressing and fresh rustic garlic croutons. I sipped my ice tea and finished my salad while watching my wife, who was sitting about six place settings down from me, struggle with the daughter who, while enjoying her spaghetti, only really wanted to play with the balls rolling along the ground on either side of us.

The meal I never really enjoyed.

I hurried up to finish my half serving of spaghetti, intending to have another hefty serving as soon as I rendered a bit of of assistance to my wife. I figured that I'd just help distract the daughter from the bocce games. My poor wife, emotionally spent from the wedding preparations from the day before and obligatory drama that comes from forcing two families to become one and LIKE IT, didn't even look at me, but I could see the relief in her face now that help had arrived. She picked "the baby" up, shoved her in my arms and sighed, "Just take her outside."

I'm not new to fatherhood. This is my third toddler. I know what this means. I took her outside, but all there was outside were vineyards in the process of being irrigated and more bocce courts on which many grown-ups are enjoying wine induced enthusiasm as they attempted to get a few centimeters closer to the pallino than their opponent. This was too much for Maeve, my daughter, to resist. She wriggled her way from my arms, fell onto the pavement in a heap, screamed past the bar and outside dining tables and ran straight into a court with a spirited game in progress. I smiled and said "Dispiace! Dispiace!" with my best Italian accent. The players smiled and laughed. It probably wouldn't have been so cordial an interaction had Maeve actually come into contact with one of the game balls.

So we went to the front of the club and out the door. There were a few couples out there having cigarettes and enjoying the beautiful evening. Maeve found a fountain. Like a large ferrous ball to an electro-magnet, she made a b-line straight for the running water and was drenched from wrist to navel within a matter of seconds. I did not, DID NOT, want to admit defeat, but it had become entirely too clear that this was no place for toddlers with a penchant for havoc.

I walked back inside holding the irate little adventurer, now also soaking wet from the wrestling match that ensued while trying to remove her from the old plaster fountain. Elizabeth was clearly enjoying herself now, laughter filling the room, her eyes glowing as she seemed to be really having a good time for the first time in a few days. I couldn't hide my disappointment as I told her I was leaving with Maeve. She looked distressed by this but clearly understood the circumstances that precipitated this decision, with simple induction one could easily conclude that when father and daughter are both soaking wet in a semi-formal club with no swimming pool, circumstances dictate a change of venue for both said father and said daughter.

Heart-broken, I walked outside to the car. Oddly, I was not angry with my daughter and only slightly angry with my wife because she didn't tell me that this entire evening was going to cost us just under one-hundred of my "hard-earned" dollars until the money had already been spent. I probably would have tolerated that price tag if I had a stomach full of Italian carbohydrates and a chance to show-off my bocce-playing prowess to my Quebecois friends and relatives. But now, I was only half-full and regretfully unable to take part in one of my favorite leisure activities.

I drove to a nearby Starbucks, grabbed a cup of bitter dark coffee and gave Maeve a pink frosting covered "cake-pop" which she turned into a sort of sugary gelatinous soup on the small cafe table. The baristas smiled and warmly dismissed the mess as "no big deal" and I again retreated to the car checking my Blackberry for any nearby wide open spaces where my little wolverine couldn't do any damage or make a mess. I was in luck, less than a mile away was a little league baseball field with a nearby school and playground.

When we arrived we spent a few exhausting minutes climbing the play equipment and a few hair-raising moments of terror. One such incident occurred when my daughter escaped my grasp and climbed to the tallest slide (at least twenty feet off the ground) and slid down. I rushed down the play structure as quickly as I could hoping to catch my daughter as she was surely to plummet to earth in a befitting ball of fire. She was already at the bottom shrieking and laughing with her little blonde curls bouncing as I arrived at what I had been sure would come to be known as "ground-zero".

Elizabeth called. I must have been out of breath when I answered because there was a long pause. I could hear laughing and joyful arguing in the background. Elizabeth asked me, "Are you okay?"

"I'm a little bummed out about not being to play."

"You should come back. When I'm done with this game, I'll take Maeve so you can play."

I knew this wouldn't work. Maeve had no desire whatsoever to take a nap and her game wouldn't be over for at least an hour, maybe more. By then, our reservation time slot would be expired. Elizabeth didn't realize how long a game lasts. I'd been playing bocce ball and petanque for several years now and knew that, with inexperienced players, a game to 13 points would last at least ninety minutes.

While I played with Maeve all I could think of was missing out at playing bocce ball at this posh bocce club, something I've dreamed about in the past, and now, well, now I just couldn't stand it. In my shrunken world, everyone was having more fun than me. Selfish? Yes. Childish? Yes. Out of character for an adult? Maybe, but I didn't care. All I knew was that I was the one person in the party who probably enjoyed this game the most and I was the only one missing out on it.

Sad, angry and sort of exhausted, I prayed. I apologized for being childish and asked God if there was something I should learn from this. I prayed for even a modicum of joy to prevent me from transferring my current bad attitude to my little girl. (Little kids, and especially little girls, I've come to find, are astonishingly adept at sensing and adopting their father's current emotional state and that's all I needed, to have a sad, angry sixteen-month old wolverine-girl). And she did pick up on it. I pulled out my phone, turned on some music, locked the screen and handed it to her as we walked through the center-field of the little league park, back to the car.

Suddenly she became restless again. She wrestled her way out of my arms and to the ground looking at me with some concern. That little girl had a plan. She danced around in circles for a minute and I sat down to enjoy her innocent joyfulness. Then came the maternal instinct little girls are apparently born with. She took off her shoes and tried to take off mine. I resisted at first until she began yelling, "SHOES! SHOES!"

Wary of my daughter's wrath I complied. Then something much more beautiful and fantastic came to fruition than would have been possible in the bocce club. In answer to my prayer, she urged me to pick her up and dance with her in the middle of the field, shoe-less, to Jack Johnson's "Better Together".

She smiled and giggled. I smiled and cried. We spun in circles. she hugged my neck and kissed my face. We fell down in a dizzy heap and giggled together. She lunged at my neck again and gave me the firmest most wonderful hug a little girl could muster and gave me a big slobbery wet kiss on the cheek. I cried some more.

Intellectually, I've always known that in a physical sense, joy and pleasure are better understood in contrast to sadness and pain. Without the former, we likely wouldn't fully comprehend the latter and visa-versa. This dramatic juxtaposition gave me a more tangible understanding of this philosophical concept and, on the spiritual side of the idea, sometimes the temporary pain and afflictions of this present life are but an insignificant prelude to the joy of a future that we simply cannot comprehend or even imagine.

This moment with my daughter, what I felt just then will someday fade. The experience will melt into the background of a life of ups and downs. The colors will be less vivid and the sensations will dull. But the knowledge of this lesson in a very narrow framework of time brings a kind of enduring joy and lends credence to the belief that this God is a good God who answers prayers and hears our moans of pain, even if its nothing more than a whine. All because He loves us beyond compare and for a short time in our life grants us a physical manifestation of what unconditional child-like love for the father should look and feel like, and the joy that we just might bring Him.

Back in Action: released from prison

2011-05-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been given new life. School is out, for who knows how long. I have my degree, now I just leave everything else in Someone Else's hands. I'll be applying to multiple graduate prgrams, physician assistant programs and even a few nursing schools. Pretty much whatever will get my very sore back and beleaguered psyche off that infernal night shift ambulance and, potentially, into the mission field delivering medicine and hope to people who've known neither.

But, my intention isn't to wax poetic on ya'll... nope. I'm in celebration mode. Its freedom I'm experiencing and I feel like a 1770's post-revolution era cobbler! Yep, I no longer have to make shoes for stinky 18th century British feet. I now make shoes for stinky 18th century American feet!

Ok, if I had put more time into it, I could have come up with a better analogy, but my point is: FREEDOM!!

Not financially mind you. We're still living comfortably with enough to survive without much struggle or stress, but there's nothing left over except for a few scraps at the end of the month that we try to put away into a savings account. HOWEVER... and this is a big HOWEVER... I just made a sizable purchase that I consider and investment in our future. I bought the Rosetta Stone Latin American Spanish Package and have been thoroughly enjoying it. I don't know how the five programs will teach me competent bilingual equivalent Spanish but I've heard nothing but good things about it. And, if the price tag is any verification of the program's efficacy (Formerly $1000 and now just over $500 for certain discounted programs) then I will have an education just short of a BA in Spanish by the time I'm done.

In addition to about an hour a day spent on this, I'm finally making some progress in the yard! I've cleared out the section of my yard once know as "The Graveyard" (in parentheses) "the place where household crap too big to fit into a garbage can go to die". It took me all afternoon and some seriously sunburned shoulders, but that side of the yard hasn't been this clean since, well, since we moved in and maybe even longer.

Discoveries abound in the untouched regions of my 0.12 acre backyard. I found a big hole in the cement pad which, according to my kids, unlocks a secret tunnel somewhere (if only we could find the key!). I found that some of my cherry tomato plants from last year had migrated on the backs of Oakdalian field mice and procreated. I kinda feel bad about burning their parents to use as compost now. Oh well.

And, yes, egg plants. So here's why this is extraordinary: I have been told by SEVERAL professional horticulturists, season gardeners and even an agriculture teacher from the high school that our region cannot support egg plant, even that it was just short of impossible to successfully render a productive egg plant from seed in our climate. They are presumably tropical fruits with long germination periods that require soil temps ranging from 75 to 90 degrees. This means that planting them in the early spring like I do my tomatoes and other fruits/veggies should kill them. Last year I went to great lengths to keep the soil warm for them in an insulated cold-frame with electrical lighting to maintain a constant temperature all spring.

Well, yesterday I found an egg plant sprout in my untended un-watered and frankly unkempt back garden plot. Take THAT people who were trying to explain to me why my dreams of a summer's supply of egg plant was a fools errand!

I also was surprised to find two oak tree sprouts growing in the most malnourished, un-watered and garbage strewn soil of my entire backyard. Resilient little guys aren't they? Well, playing out an Oak tree version of Slumdog Millionaire in my head, I couldn't just throw them away. No way! They beat the odds, worked too hard, displayed the very triumph of hum... er... tree spirit that makes the Oak Tree such a gallant and majestic tree.

They now have found temporary accommodations in some prime compost and pots in the back yard until I find someone will to adopt them. So if you want some Oak trees, know anyone who might want some Oak trees or have an idea how to get someone to adopt an Oak tree, please, let me know.

Finally, I am now able to catch up on reading. I'm working on a challenging book by Dr. john Piper called Desiring God, a book I've been meaning to read for some time now. Also on my reading list for this Summer:

- Tactics on Trout: How to Wade, Cast, and Fish Out Each of 33 Different Kinds of Trout Pools by Ray Ovington
- The New Global Mission: The Gospel from Everywhere to Everyone by Samuel Escobar
- Walking by Faith, Not by Sight: The personal journey of a Paramedic Surviving The Mission Field in The African Bush by Lynda Visco
- A Basic Guide to Interpreting the Bible: Playing by the Rules by Robert H. Stein

There other short ones that I'll also be working on like a biography on Mckey Mantle and a short historical novel on the Battle of Carthage but that'll be just some light reading for when I'm at work and I don't need my undivided attention to understand what I'm reading.

Aw freedom... my days off may not sound like "days off" to some, but to me, I can finally do the things that have needed doing for years like put grass in my backyard, paint my multicolored front patio, landscape my front yard, build shelves in my garage, have a garage sale and mayb, just maybe, cut down that bloody tree in my front yard. With so much to do, it is easy to become overwhelmed, but the beautiful thing about freedom is that, there is no deadline!

Sitting Can Kill You!

2011-05-10T16:47:00.000-07:00

Having a somewhat sedentary job, this shook me a little.

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

PIZZA NIGHT!!

2011-04-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

While Mom's away at cake decorating class, the ol' man had to come up with a means to both feed and entertain. It started with an inspired walk to the grocery store and $30 later we had al the ingredients to make 4 personal sized pizzas.

Liam's favorite ingredient is cheese. After taking this photo, he emptied a bag of shredded mozzarella.

Owen went crazy-go-nuts on the meat which he prefers under his cheese.

Maeve just wanted mozzarella dipped in Ragu marinara sauce.

See the concentration! It was so quiet for a whole 20 minutes or so.

Yup, I even let them have home-made soda with their pizza. I'm an awesome dad.

No really, I am an awesome dad. Liam and Owen both said so.

So what if $30 is a little steep for a few pizzas! It was totally worth it for the supreme compliments, happy kids and delicious custom pies!

Just The Kids and A "Giant Bunny" (not a real one though)

2011-04-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my mom and wife, we have some cute Easter photos to share.

The Easter Bunny stopped by to hang with the kids a bit.

Maeve was very impressed with the enormous bunny.

Owen and Christian made it adamantly clear that they realized that there was actually a person inside the suit and that it was not a real giant bunny.

I thanked them for the assurances since I was a little concerned due to my very young garden that would certainly be in danger had this threat been a real one.

Maeve is just so cute. We have a ton of pictures of her from yesterday.

We were only able to actually snap one photo of Liam's face besides the pouty in church one from the last post.

He looks deep in thought but he's actually filling a squirt gun with the hose.

From Left to right: Christian (my nephew), Justin (my bro-in-law), Fiona (my niece), person in bunny suit (her name's Emily, no relation), Owen (my younger son), Elizabeth (my wife), and Maeve (my intrepid daughter).

Not pictured: Liam (my oldest son, because this is kid stuff), my sister (she was sleeping), my mom (she was taking the picture) and me (I was dying the easter eggs)

Shoeless Easter Service

2011-04-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering why Liam looks so ticked off at church today. Well, he's missing something...

He admitted to me just as we got out of the car at church, "This is humiliating."

I asked him how he could have forgotten his shoes then it came to me.

H stepped in dog poop at Grandma's house. While vigorously attempted to resolve this sanitation problem he was a bit over-zealous with the water. This resulted in completely soaking his left shoe, which is actually in Grandma's back yard right now drying.

When asked by Drew what happened to his shoes after the service he just rolled his eyes and said "Its a long story". Well, its not really, but I knew what he meant. :)

Owen, on the other hand, couldn't have been more thrilled to be at church with his shoeless brother and tried to convince me that if Liam didn't need to wear shoes, neither should he.

He actually had some sound reasoning, however, as a father, I felt the need to arbitrarily stand my ground. I hope your Easter was as happy as ours!

More Easter Photos Tomorrow... Check back because you do NOT want to miss the pictures of Maeve in her Easter dress.

Secret Church - Good Friday

2011-04-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Secret Church (see previous post on the topic) at my church. It was a nice intimate setting with some of my students from our Sunday School class, the youth pastor and some family. even though I arrived a little late, I was there for about 5 hours of the marathon style Bible study by Pastor David Platt. He was fantastic and covered all of the major doctrinal key-points found in any foundations of the faith course with remarkable clarity.

This is definitely an enriching time for any group, large or small, with some great prayer and edification (means "building-up" for my poor college Bible-study students who get frustrated with churchy vocab). I only wish more students could have been there. It was the shortest 6 hours I've ever experienced awake. Next year guys!

Enjoy God this weekend guys. Its a holy time for us to really take some extra time to remember who Jesus is and what He did for you and I on the cross.

Happy Easter weekend from the Greenlee family!

Waterdeep Singalong

2011-04-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes you watch a video and you just think, "Man I wish I had been there!"

This is one of those. I know the video quality is seriously lacking, but that gives your imagination more freedom to embellish the atmosphere.

The Boys Easy-ridin'

2011-04-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

My boys learned to ride their bikes on 2 wheels today. Yes, both of them. Owen took about 2 minutes and Liam wouldn't even let me teach him. He just hopped on the bike and started riding.

That's all great and everything, but where the fun in that for daddy? :)

Man I love my kids!!!

25 Things I Love

2011-04-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

1. Playing Jimmy Buffet & Jack Johnson songs on the guitar.
2. Eating heirloom tomatoes off the vine.
3. Laying in freshly mowed lawn.
4. Morning coffee with my wife.
5. Saturday morning cartoons with the kids.
6. Baseball games on Sunday afternoons after church.
7. Church potlucks and picnics.
8. Planting seeds into fresh potting soil.
9. Splashing really cold river water on my face.
10. Bible studies by the river.
11. WAFFLES.
12. The quiet solitude of really early morning fly fishing.
13. Popcorn and a movie on the couch with my wife.
14. Doing yard work and working in the garden with my boys.
15. Playing ukulele and watching my daughter dance to it.
16. Bar-b-que dinners with the whole family.
17. Early morning swims.
18. My wife's super fluffy pancakes.
19. Pizza parties.
20. Breakfast diners.
21. The smell of cottonwood trees and eucalyptus.
22. Burying my feet in cold damp sand.
23. Fresh line-dried bed sheets.
24. The sound feet make on dirt and gravel trails.
25. Buying fruit from a fruit stand.

Do we have anything in common? What 25 things do you love?

Understanding the Plight of the Pioneer

2011-04-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

I understand the plight of the Homesteader. I'm talking about the pioneers of the 1800's. Doctors, lawyers, wealthy merchants and blue collar laborers alike sold everything and packed their lives, their families into wagons and hit the trail, not knowing what lay ahead. Some ask, “ what was it that they were looking for?”

I think I know. The drudge of the day to day life left something to be desired for these itinerant family men. They call it a rat race, the world we live in. No one could have coined a more perfect analogy. The truth is that we have created all kinds of boundaries and confines for ourselves with the assumption that making money will free us from these confines.

I'll explain. I have gone to school now for several years. I had to find a job to support my family. I had to buy a house just to stop hemorrhaging money into the pockets of landlords. In order to find freedom (a kind of freedom that will become more clear later) I have entered into certain bondage, a kind of unavoidable bondage. I got a job where I am an absolute servant. I report to a host of supervisors, a medical director, hospital nurses and doctors, dispatchers and patients. Basically, my job is to do what I'm told, and what appears to be freedom in my treatment and assessment of patients is carefully regulated through a set of protocols that have shifting boundaries for which I am responsible to anticipate.

Then there is the mortgage company, the bank. In order to stop hemorrhaging money to a landlord with strict rules as to what can or cannot be done with his property, I have to enter into bondage to the bank that carries my loan and can legally lead me around by the nose as they see fit.

Of course, I need an education, to “free” myself of these binds. So I register for classes with the caveat that I have to pick a goal. This goal is necessary to receive the funding for school which I actually purchased with my service to the government while on active duty. However, the classes I take are still governed and ultimately decided by this authority.

So my time is taken up with working and going to school and finally, placing myself in servitude to my family and church and to an absolute God (whom I actually long to serve). These things I don't mind and actually want, but the rest is entirely superfluous and excessive. It is the very opposite of security because my freedom isn't guaranteed by the others. This leads to a certain anxiety and stress that most people are unequipped to deal with, hence the frequent use of anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety use medications. Drug use is an escape from this reality. Alcohol helps some deal with the feeling of no control over their lives. You probably have no idea how many people you are in contact with every day, even those that you least expect, use these chemicals to deal with the feeling of loss of control or having no control over their lives. This is the source of most stress and anxiety in the lives of the millions upon millions afflicted by our self-imposed enslavery.

If I had my choice, I would sell everything I own today. This afternoon I would put an add on Craigslist that says “Every thing must go!” and place a price tag on every last belonging. The money I earned from my liquidation of all personal possession would go to buying an Airstream and a few acres of land, not too far from town. My family and I, we would move into the travel trailer and plant vegetables, working the land like my ancestors. We would sell our vegetables to people for a fair price. I would owe nothing to anyone. We would want nothing and need nothing. Just work with my hands, raise some kids and live a life of freedom from all of my many many masters. I could much more easily choose a life that fits with the very model of simplicity set by those homesteaders.

It seems odd to me that others don't long for this as much as I do. It seems to me that people want bondage to the banks, their belongings and all of those other things that tend to rob of us of our creativity and God-given ability to live relying only on Him.

I have this beautiful little girl with curly blonde hair and blue eyes that can melt steal with once soggy-cheeked glance. I have a 5 year old boy with a sense of humor that could reduce the most stubborn of stoics to uncontrollable laughter and a work ethic that would put most adults to shame. I have a 7 year old boy, so intelligent, creative and full of potential that almost every facet of his life seems to be designed to stifle his gifts. I have a wife with so many gifts and so much talent that she just can't seem to find a niche.

What I want for them is an environment where they can pursue their gifts and develop them. We, however, like the Israelites in captivity to the Egyptians, are reduced to living within the ever-narrowing confines of a mono-chronic, materialistic culture where having the freedom to use your gifts means that first you must attain a particular stature either in education or notoriety. Without this, your gifts become hobbies, or even worse, never get explored or used at all.

We are robbing ourselves of freedom in pursuit of materialistic gain, which we believe is the very source of freedom. Poverty also enslaves us to our government and others for survival. Community breaks down because the world becomes one in which it is “every man for himself.”

What I see around me is a total poverty of community and poverty of character. We may think so highly of ourselves since we are the richest people to ever walk the planet. We are one of the most educated societies to ever exist. What did this get us? We pursued these things for freedom's sake and instead ended up enslaved to them.

I surmise that the reason the pioneering homesteaders ventured West, selling their homes and giving up there businesses and practices to farm the earth in order “to make a better life” for their families had nothing to do with greed. I surmise that they were looking for the same sort of freedom I long for from the pit of stomach. They hoped to build a new community with like-minded people who want to be freed from the boundaries set by a repressive culture where the clock and money are their gods and creativity, talents and potential are stifled for all but a few.

Missionary Calling: Every Calling is Different

2011-04-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

This link goes to a ABWE's site where they have several of the new missionaries summarizing their callings into the mission field. It is absolutely fascinating how different each calling is.

It really brings confidence into my calling for the mission field and how it doesn't have to fit a certain defined mold for a premier missionary organization like ABWE to accept you as career mission staff.

Please be encouraged to take the time to read them for yourself. Maybe that "still small voice" you've been hearing really is God calling you to "the field".

Challenges in Haiti remain "daunting": UN chief

2011-04-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

http://news.xinhuanet.com/english2010/world/2011-04/07/c_13816075.htm

Recent update from UN on Haiti. It is definitely worth the few minutes it takes to read.

Burning the Qur’an and Crucifying Christ

2011-04-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

Pastor John Piper on the burning of the Qur'an:

The burning of the Qur’an and the murder of human beings are not morally equivalent. That’s true. And it is, frankly, outrageous the way some commentators speak with more moral indignation about the burning of holy books than the butchery of human bodies. In the western media this seems to me to be sheer fear.

But, of course, my conviction stems from a certain view of the world that is not shared by Muslims....

read more from Mr. Piper's blog "Desiring God": Burning the Qur’an and Crucifying Christ

Joy

2011-04-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

[2] Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, [3] for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. [4] And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
(James 1:2-4 ESV)

So I imagine that a student of the Bible, after reading this, may be wondering what there is to be joyful over when we are facing trials. I can imagine someone thinking, "I face trials sometimes, and, I believe, with grace, but 'joyful' is not the term I would use to describe those trials."

I submit that our understanding of the word "joy" in the Biblical context is slightly different than the word "happy".

In terms of what James is speaking about here, the joy from trials is in fact very different from worldly temporary happiness. This is in terms of a complete joy through fulfillment of Jesus promise of the Holy Spirit and his work in our lives. Yes, I know I just used a bunch of Christian-y words, and I surely don't mean to confuse you or overwhelm you with complex theology. My goal is to make this approachable and easy to understand, so hang on, I'm goin to explain this a bit further.

"Complete joy" is an enduring joy that is linked to our satisfaction in God's sovereign will, or His supreme independent powerful will that is subject to no one or thing. Our satisfaction in trials, as James suggests, is in the fact that God is ultimately in control of the trial and that He is steadfast and refining us throughout the trial, in essence, creating in us a stronger soul. The goal, however, isn't to just make us "better Christians" but to glorify Him. As Christians, glorifying God is the major source of joy. No its not natural to be joyful about serving God, our Creator. This is done by the Holy Spirit whom Jesus sent following His victory on the cross. This work by God is the complete joy.

Let's look at a passage from this last Sunday's College Bible Study:

[19] Jesus knew that they wanted to ask him, so he said to them, “Is this what you are asking yourselves, what I meant by saying, ‘A little while and you will not see me, and again a little while and you will see me’? [20] Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy. [21] When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. [22] So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. [23] In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. [24] Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
(John 16:19-24 ESV)

The joy that Jesus is referring to in this passage has much more to do with a state of being than environmental factors that influence the way we feel. That is one of the big distinctions between joy and happiness.

My wife, Elizabeth, smiles as she sees our daughter for the
first time after a long exhausting labor and eventual C-section.

First we see that the disciples sorrow will turn into Joy, presumably, due to Christ's resurrection. This seems to be environmentally influenced or circumstantial feelings. As we read on, we see another example of Joy in which a mother giving birth to a child, in spite of the pain before and, yes, afterwards (there is still pretty significant pain following the delivery, just ask my wife), the joy transcends the pain, or , in other words, doesn't fix the pain, but exceeds the temporal affliction of pain with the joy of bringing new life into the world.

Next we see that the Joy is something that happens in our "hearts" which is where we experience our deepest emotions, our most moving emotions. It is where we experience God's presence and feel conviction and fall in love. The most important aspect of this particular statement is that the joy can never be taken from His disciples. Yes, His disciples were beheaded, crucified upside down, ridiculed and driven from their ancestral homes, and their joy could not be taken from them. This indicates a sort of joy that isn't based on circumstance.

Finally, though the Holy Spirit, the joy is made full. This isn't to say that Joy only can come from the Holy spirit, because we see right here in this very passage that joy can come from the birth of a newborn child and presumably from other sources. It is then made complete through the Holy Spirit's work.

This is where this gets tricky. We've all heard the sappy... excuse me... romantic version of one's "true love" experience: "You. Complete. Me."

Yeah, your spouse or true love doesn't complete you. The Bible doesn't say that we are each 1/2 and that 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. Nope, the Bible actually says that 1+1=1 in terms of spousal love and marriage. When you've been married for a while, this actually begins to make a bit more sense.

Anyway, back on topic, complete joy........

The word joy, derived from rejoice, in its Greek form is chara which means "to be exceedingly glad". Okay, this would make no sense unless you know what it is in fact exceeding, or extending beyond. So let me rephrase this in an effort to remain true to the theological concept but still make it as simple as possible: "Gladness that extends beyond circumstance."

Is this even possible? Well, according to Jesus, James, Paul and other writers of the Bible it certainly is possible. Even when Paul is in chains, imprisoned in Rome, marked for execution, he finds himself glad to be there as he finds a way to continue to be in obedience to Christ's Great Commission and ministering to the prison guards.

¹² Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. ¹³ As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. ¹⁴ And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.
¹⁵ It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. ¹⁶ The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. ¹⁷ The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. ¹⁸ But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. (Philippians 1:12-18 NIV)

So this guy is either totally insane, or he has a little something to teach us about joy. His joy is comes from this work of the Holy Spirit that Jesus was talking about in John 16 and in knowing that even in his imprisonment and in spite of the fact that he was marked for execution, he found a surpassing gladness that he was there. This would seem to be an utterly ridiculous and ghastly time to be rejoicing for someone whose heart has yet to be touched by the Holy Spirit, but through the Holy spirit, this sense of "exceeding gladness" surpasses even the extreme trials and tribulations of a Christian's life.

Hopefully this helps with your understanding of the Biblical concept of joy. Please post a comment on this blog if you have any questions or would like to discuss this any further.

This guy's a fool.

2011-04-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

FYI, as a card-carrying evangelical Christian, I hope I speak for most of my kind when I say, this guys a total fool.

Pastor Terry Jones defiant over Koran Burning

These tactics accomplish nothing but burning hatred, violence and bad press. What purpose does burning a Quran serve? Seriously! Will it bring glory to God? Will it soften the hearts of Muslims? Will it win new converts? Does it seem to be inline with Jesus' teachings? Does it bear any of the marks of "fruits of the Spirit"?

I'm sick of guys like him and the Westboro Baptist church getting all this press. These goof ball fringe churches are the exceptions and far from the rule.

**Let me also be clear on something else. I love Muslims. I do. they are mislead by a false religion, and I regret that for them, but I love them and it is out of this love that I want to present them with the gospel so that they can come to know the love and grace of the Holy God of the Bible and to believe in the atoning work of Jesus Christ that brings liberty and a love for obedience to His teachings, commands and holding true to the tenets of the faith.

Moral Relativism

2011-04-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

I love this recent article from GotQuestions.org

Question: "What is moral relativism?"

Answer: Moral relativism is more easily understood in comparison to moral absolutism. Absolutism claims that morality relies on universal principles (natural law, conscience). Christian absolutists believe that God is the ultimate source of our common morality, and that it is, therefore, as unchanging as He is. Moral relativism asserts that morality is not based on any absolute standard. Rather, ethical “truths” depend on variables such as the situation, culture, one's feelings, etc.

Several things can be said of the arguments for moral relativism which demonstrate their dubious nature. First, while many of the arguments used in the attempt to support relativism might sound good at first, there is a logical contradiction inherent in all of them because they all propose the “right” moral scheme—the one we all ought to follow. But this itself is absolutism. Second, even so-called relativists reject relativism in most cases. They would not say that a murderer or rapist is free from guilt so long as he did not violate his own standards... (read more)

Secret Church

2011-03-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

Secret Church comes to Orangeburg Ave Baptist Church on April 2, 2011 (Good Friday)! Pastor Drew and the OABC College group present this landmark event with great excitement and I sounding the horns in preparation for this 6 hour long intensive Bible study.

Oh, I know what you're thinking, "Six HOURS of Bible study! What the?!"

Let me explain. It all started with a Bible study in an "Asian nation" where Bible studies are illegal. David Platt, pastor of Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Alabama and author of Radical was teaching what he thought would be just another Bible study to the persecuted and secret churches of this oppressive nation when the single one hour lesson transformed into much much more. A single topical Bible study turned into an all day event, then an all week event and after just over a week at 8-12 hours a day, he had covered the entire Bible with Christians who were very hungry for the word of God. With the knowledge that they may never meet another Seminary-trained preacher and academic, the church kept begging of him to carry on his studies so that they could not only learn their Bibles, but, more importantly, pass the information on to others who needed to know God's word.

Inspired by this, Dr. Platt will spend the 6 hours (4pm - 10pm Pacific time) on an intensive study of the entire Bible, from cover to cover. This Bible study marathon of sorts is best described on the Brook Hills website:

When we think of "church" in America, we think of going to meet at a building, singing, praying and hearing a message from a Pastor or teacher. But in many places around the world, "church" meets in a home, an apartment, even in secret. These small groups of Christ-followers often meet for many hours in study, prayer and fellowship, as it is dangerous to travel to "church" and they want to make the most of their time together.
Secret Church is our "house church," where we meet periodically for an intense time of Bible study--lasting 4-6 hours--and prayer for our persecuted brothers and sisters across the globe. This is not for the uncommitted or faint at heart. But if you desire to know God more deeply through His Word, and know His Church more fully around the world, then please join us for Secret Church.

God will use this focused time of study to enrich our knowledge of His Word as we gain understanding of the state of His Church and our persecuted brothers and sisters around the world. The objective of Secret Church is for you to pass along what you learn to others, so that you can make disciples of Christ--both locally and globally.

If you have any questions or would like to attend personally or have a group that may want to be part of this, please contact me or Pastor Drew at OABC. If you don't live in the Modesto area, please visit http://www.lifeway.com/secretchurch/

Pitfalls in the Short Term Medical Missions

2011-03-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

This article was first posted at : Send me deep! Pitfalls in the Short Term Medical Missions. but since this post keeps getting so may hits here, I decided to post the entirety of the article on this blog as well.

The front of the Hospital located on the Baptist Haiti Mission campus.

The organization that I traveled with in November and December of 2010 is International Healthcare Ministries, a ministry of ABWE. ABWE and IHM both have long histories of ethically and successfully run and managed medical mission teams. Dr. Sorg, our team leader, spent 25 years in the Amazon basin as a medical missionary and travels all over the world providing high quality, low cost and and culturally conscientious medical clinics. Prior to his arrival in any one village, there is a preparation process that last weeks if not months in which liaisons are acquired and cursory surveys of the needs are done.

The IHM mission is based out of the well-established Baptist Haiti Mission and primarily functions in villages where satellite churches have already been established. This is crucial in the success and in avoiding common pitfalls in short term medical missions.

How it works:

Patient intake and pre-registration.

We travel in a team of five to six medically trained personnel with about as many native translators. We set up shop in already established medical clinics, churches or mission planted schools. The pastors in the area are tasked with informing the locals that we will be there. We usually spend two full days in each village. We set up an initial intake station where blood pressures are taken and medical complaints are recorded with some basic patient demographics.

Hassan, my friend, translator and soon-to-be medical student
discusses a patient's medical history and shares the gospel with
a willing listener.

The pt then is called back to discuss there complaints at length and a medical history is obtained by a mission staff member and a translator. In my experience, since our native Haitian Creole speakers are amazingly adept at evangelism, I usually let them do the talking when asking a patient about their salvation. However, we instruct the translators to first tell the patient that it does not matter whether they are saved or hate our faith, they will be treated exactly the same and we will use utmost diligence in seeing to their needs. Very few, in our last visit, came to accept Christ, but we were able to present the plan of salvation to several voodoo practitioners.

After this brief interview, the patient waits to see the doctor who completes the assessment and addresses the medical needs that they can with particularly diligent focus on preventative medicine and investigating the sources of medical complaints common to the population we're serving. Our focus is on long term benefit and not just acute complaints (which were very rare).

Locals wait patiently to be called in to the the doctor in
a peaceful and dignified waiting area.

The name and address of any patient who was interested in the gospel message or accepted Christ was was forwarded on to the local Haitian pastor, who would then follow-up on these souls. We accept that we aren't going to change the world, country, village or even necessarily a single life of a patient in our short stay there, but the lasting results were tangible in that anyone interested was connected with the local church for a relationship to be built and discipling to begin, should they choose.

Dr. Sorg meets with a patient and Tee, an IHM RN,
in a church based clinic.

We did hit bumps in the road. Once, during the second day of a clinic, after having seen around 200 patients in two days, a small fight broke out between mothers who wanted their babies to be seen. We made every effort to see each and every person with a legitimate medical complaint but were unable to see them all. This is a very unfortunate circumstance that can be attributed to the very desperate situation Haiti has found itself in. We had extra worm pills and children's vitamins that we handed out to these mothers (those are the two greatest pediatric needs in the areas we were serving). This averted what would have otherwise been a crisis, but the Haitian pastors we associated with and our very experienced team with extensive backgrounds in developing country medicine were well equipped for handling these small issues with a great deal of compassion and respect.

The most heartening aspect of this mission is that IHM is very invested in these missions and visits these same towns and villages every couple of months. The follow through pays dividends too. A mutual respect has been developed through these repeated trips into the rural towns and villages and the locals are aware that we have a long term interest in seeing to their needs through the repeated visits.

Most of our team and our superb paid translators.

This is why each and every IHM medical mission to Haiti is of vital importance. It is through the devotion shown to the people that trust is obtained and the issues discussed in the blog that I linked to are avoided.

I should also mention that I am not just interested in drumming up support for our trip coming up in November 2011, but also in creating an awareness and long term dedication through our partners in the US and abroad for this important and special ministry. It is of vital importance that you should consider carefully to whom you are donating the Lord's money too. Choose well established, responsible mission organizations with reputable track records.

Above all else, remember the mission teams and especially those they serve in your prayers.

The Vanity of Self-Indulgence

2011-03-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

[The Vanity of Self-Indulgence]
I said in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself.” But behold, this also was vanity. I said of laughter, “It is mad,” and of pleasure, “What use is it?” I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life. I made great works. I built houses and planted vineyards for myself. I made myself gardens and parks, and planted in them all kinds of fruit trees. I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees. I bought male and female slaves, and had slaves who were born in my house. I had also great possessions of herds and flocks, more than any who had been before me in Jerusalem. I also gathered for myself silver and gold and the treasure of kings and provinces. I got singers, both men and women, and many concubines, the delight of the children of man.
So I became great and surpassed all who were before me in Jerusalem. Also my wisdom remained with me. And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.
(Ecclesiastes 2:1-11 ESV)

Some desire wealth. Some desire pleasure. Some desire excitement. Some desire leisure. What does all this boil down to? Our eyes and our stomachs just never seem to get their fill. We are lost to our lusts and our indulgences. Whether its taking that second glance at the pretty young lady jogging past or going for the second serving when you've had plenty. We live in a world of lust. We live in an environment where we are told that chasing after our every desire is in some way admirable or beneficial.

We call it the American dream, and we dream big.

"Oh wait a second!" you say. "I know money isn't everything."

Well, what did Jesus say to the rich young man?

Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
(Matthew 19:21-22 ESV)

Could you do that? Could I? I'm not saying that God has told you to, but He might. You see, this man was tied to his wealth. He may have had great intentions. We love having benefactors like him in our churches.

We think, "Their tithes alone could keep this tiny church afloat!"

The disciples were baffled by this incident as well. After Jesus explained to them the finer points of threading needles with large beasts of burden, he followed up by telling them that the rich young man could still be saved, but here's the kicker:

Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.
(Matthew 19:28-30 ESV)

So the indulgences are not only non-beneficial for us spiritually, but they are harmful to us. The reason is simple, the more stuff you have, the more comfortable you are, the harder it is to give all that up for a life marked by self-control and deprivation of physical things. In essence, we tend to love creation more than the creator and become unable to unbind ourselves from it.

Is it then okay to indulge every once in a while?

I suppose the answer depends on what it is you are indulging in. Certainly, indulging in sinful things is NEVER acceptable. But what about having some chocolate cake, going to a movie, having a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant, a glass of expensive fine wine, a cigar, season tickets to your favorite sports team?

I cannot answer all of these things in one breath. There are several things to consider. Allow me to point to Solomon's passage in the beginning of this post.

Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.

It was all vanity, meaningless. He saw these accomplishments and indulgences as nothing more than a waste of time in the grand scheme of things. But he doesn't tell us why this is all meaningless in so much clarity. We have to dig to find out why.

At first glance, you may think, "man this guy is suffering from some major depression." Solomon was the wisest person to ever live. God made him that way. In all his wisdom, he found ways to serve himself to such an extent that there was not a physical thing in the world that he could still want after.

God's answer to why everything is vanity:

[The God-Given Task]
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.
I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.
(Ecclesiastes 3:9-15 ESV)

God's works are far greater than ours and our accomplishments cannot even compare to those of God's, therefore, we must look to eternity to find out what is truly great and worth while. We live in a temporal world that feels eternal. Our minds seek pleasure and self-fulfillment, but we ignore the plights of those with less than necessary to survive. We ruin our lives chasing after these things like pleasure, wealth not realizing that its rotting us from the inside out. its chaining us down, immobilizing us. Making us desire more and more when we should be wanting less and less as Jesus fulfills our needs. Our goals, our greatest achievements can only be measured in terms of whether or not they were for God. Our mission in life is to glorify Him. How to do that is written all over the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John).

Wealth is dangerous, pleasure is misleading and achievement nothing more than a facade. What we really need is a sold-out devotion to Christ and a relationship with God anchored in faith and discipline. We cannot do this on our, but through God, all things are possible.

I write as I have just seen a family ripped apart but a person's inability to separate himself from indulgences. it hurts me to see this happen to loved ones. It hurts me to see a life that had all the right ingredients to become rewarding, except for one. I feel such pain for families when things like this happen. When love for mammon takes precedence over love for God and one's family. Pleasure and indulgence makes us all worshipers of our selves. Only a sold-out love for God bears a true reward worth our aspirations.

Issues with Missionary-wannabes (like me)

2011-03-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

This blog really wont be quite as heavy as it sounds in the title. My issue isn't so much with the missionary wannabe's themselves, but the fact that making a decision like this is seldom a one step process, the bigger the decision, it seems the bigger the stakes and usually, the more contradicting opinions you hear. This wasn't a frivolous decision.

I understand that quite a few people would not like me to succeed at anything, primarily, several of my co-workers who seem to find any and all moral behavior contemptible. They tend to have a very utilitarian point of view of what is right and wrong. If the rule doesn't make sense to them, they don't bother to investigate how the rule came about and certainly don't just accept it blindly, they decide that it is illegitimate and ignore it.

They also look at my decisions that way. As far as they are concerned, at least the ones who claim to have some sort of faith background, going to church, teaching a Bible study, evangelism, its all superfluous and ridiculously outdated. They figure "hey, I got baptized at church camp in 1994. I'm set for life." I have had professing Christians who've been assigned as my partner for a day and start off the shift with "Please, just don't talk to me about Jesus today." There are others who, keenly aware of my career ambitions, wish me not to get into any sort of advanced medical program because they feel that what I want to do with it would be a waste. As for the one's who don't know what I want to do with an advanced medical degree, they assume I hate my current job or wish to make more money and tend to either criticize me for that or ask me what I want to do with the education, thereby becoming the former.

So I hesitate, a lot. I fear expressing a desire to anyone that my family and I are dead-set on career missions. Even family members and folks at church. Its a mixture of emotions that we get such as wishing us not to go for fear of our safety, or afraid that they'll miss us. Well, these things I discount because as a newly wed teenager, my wife and I were a military family, never living less than 8 hours from my parents and living at least a 2 day trip away for most of the time. I know that God will comfort my family, who clearly loves us all dearly. I certainly wouldn't want to cause them any pain, but in the long run, the reward for knowing that they raised children to take the great commission seriously is far beyond any other grand triumph for a parent. Dangerous though? Come on. I work as a paramedic on the night shift in one of the most violent cities in the country and we don't even have stations, we roam the streets in an ambulance all night long. And then there's my dad, a venerated and esteemed firefighter in a major metropolitan city who wears a class A uniform adorned with medals for bravery. We should have a healthy understanding of the necessity of safety and the necessity of taking a chance by now.
So now for the doubters... please keep in mind that I don't wear the "future missionary" patch on my shoulder and only tell people if they ask a specific enough question to require a specific enough answer.

When I tell someone at church that I wish to be a missionary, I am greeted by one of two reactions:

1. "Why would you need to leave the US? There are plenty of unsaved people here?"

2. "You need to be VERY sure of that calling? How did you receive this calling? How specific was it?"

to answer question 1, which was asked of Jim Elliot before travelling to Ecuador, Mr. Elliot related that Americans have more than enough access to the gospel. There are thankfully preachers and churches everywhere you look. Walking down a crowded street in even the most debased cities, you can find gospel tracks sitting trampled on sidewalks. There are a half dozen "church" channels on my satellite subscription. We have 4 radio stations in this town alone dedicated to proclaiming the Gospel. We have gospel missions and homeless clinics in nearly every city.

No, I'm not the answer to the problem here. I've been pounding pavement for God in my community and always will, but the people have spoken. There, however, are people in other countries that thirst for the gospel and have no access to it. They have physical needs that far surpass our own. Those are the ones that need willing people to reach out to.

#2. William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army once said:

"'Not called!' did you say?
'Not heard the call,' I think you should say.
Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face — whose mercy you have professed to obey — and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world.

I can think of nothing more to say on the matter.

Waffles are serious business

2011-03-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

In our house, especially on church mornings, breakfast is a big deal. I usually start planning it a day in advance and we must come to a consensus on the issue before moving forward with the operation.

Among the great breakfast foods in our family, one of the most venerated is waffles. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I know my waffles. If I were to pass on one bit of advice, it would have to be, taste your batter.

When making waffles, the taste of the batter is as important as the final product. I like add a little Haitian vanilla (which is ridiculously potent) but regular vanilla extract will do in a pinch. For every 2 cups of batter I also add 2-3 tablespoons of granulated sugar. This is of the utmost importance because non-granulated sugar or, as we like to call it, rock candy will not allow the waffle iron to close properly.

Speaking of waffle irons, you must get to know your's quite well. It took me months to become well-acquainted with my waffles maker. You see, they all have personalities. Mine likes only enough batter to cover all but the outer most sqaures, otherwise he throws quite the tantrum dropping gooey batter all over the kitchen counter. Mine has a green light that comes on when the waffles are done, but sometimes, usually for the first 1 or 2 batches, he gets a little impatient and lights up early.

I learned that a little non-stick spray over the non-stick coat of the iron is important due to the little extra sweetener in the waffles that tends to stick a little more than your run of the mill flavorless waffles.

I'm no charlatan my friends, heed my words and be blessed!

And now for the most important part, the traditional Greenlee family waffle song. This song was written long before Elizabeth and I even had children. It was written in a time of great jubillation, the day that I learned to make the perfect waffle. Here it is, for the first time, presented to the public:

Official Greenlee Family Waffle Song
by Zach Greenlee (circa 2000)

Waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle
waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle
I like waffles, yes I do.
I like waffles, how 'bout you?!

Waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle
waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle
You like waffles, yes you do!
You like waffles, how about two?!

Waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle
waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle

Children's Garden

2011-03-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

The kids and I have been working on our "children's garden" which certainly is going to need a new name soon. We've taken a corner of our yard with some sort of tree and once was covered with Ivy and dead leaves and turned it into a fresh canvas for the horticultural artist. My boys, they have the gardening bug like their daddy. They love eating fresh-picked whatevers from the garden, even if they'd never actually eat them in a salad. The love the idea of being responsible for this garden as well... and so far, they've done a top notch job.

The first step we took was to clear the whole 12 by 10 by 25 foot triangle area of ivy and years of abandoned landscape artifacts from previous owners. We've woven together a fence that would blend in quite well in Tolkien's Shire. We hae dug a foot path and dropped some old recycled pavers in. The kids and I cordoned off the foot print of the soon to be built children's playhouse.

We've been talkind and debating over what plants we needed to put in the garden since half of it will get nearly full sun and th other half nearly full shade. The kids decided that they would like some herbs in there so that they could help there mom out with covetted fresh ingredients when she's cooking. We made a circle of found rocks in the region of the garden that is nearly full sun and set our thyme, rosemary and chives.

Even though Liam doesn't care much for strawberries lately, he couldn't resist the idea of the little bright red berries in his garden, so we picked up a few of those.

Along the tall fence I suspended some lattice and right smack dab in the middle is a stick. On that stick are little green and red leaves, what will eventually be on that stick is blackberries, what will never be on that stick is thorns. I know! There is such a thing as a thornless blackberry bush!

Along the short fence that the kids built, we planted a row of asparagus beans (aka yardlong beans) that should climb the fence and provide a tasty snack for the boys all summer.

Its coming together nicely.

In our future plans are some zinnias, sunflowers and a fence with jasmine. Owen really lies the scent that juniper gives off, so we are discussing making a small mound where we can plant juniper and some ferns. We're open to ideas for other flowering, interesting or unique vegetable plants that may coem to mind. We have a vegetable garden that I maintain with my wife with several varieties of garden goodies as well, and we may be lending some of our sprouts to the ids as they mature, like the ever-intriguing Armenian cucumbers. Please feel free to subit any ideas of your own. There will be more pictures to come.

some passing thoughts on simplicity

2011-03-06T02:08:00.000-08:00

There is this line from this song by Jack Johnson called Holes to Heaven where he sings that life was so much simpler when "stars were still just holes to heaven".
I think I understand his point and I think his statement has an even deeper meaning than he intended.

We chase after so many things in life that are just no good for us. We want all the latest and greatest gadgets. We get tied up in self-gratifying social networking experiences. We chase after this hobby and that experience like they have any sort of actual tangible benefit or will make us truly happy. We think "If only I could finally get my hands on that dream car or fulfill my lifetime goal of touring Europe I could finally be happy." We chase after education as if it actually has some sort of effect on our value as a person. Some drive after experiences like climbing this mountain or running that marathon then post pictures and pithy comments on Facebook and Twitter. We create these idealized identities on social networks or for our "friends" only to find that instead of giving us this gratification we wanted, it only isolates us more because we have to develop a facade to maintain this identity thereby never actually developing an honest bond with each other.

Conversations turn into boasting competitions, albeit usually in the most artfully subtle sort of way. We one-up each other in order to not let the other think that we are unworthy of their companionship.

These things, I contend, all stem from a deep inward vanity and, in most cases, an insecurity that we are desperate to hide.

Our goal is to prove our worth to the world, to live up to this complex and ever changing level of acceptability. We have complicated the whole thing. Our jobs, our stuff, our accomplishments, even our personalities (fake or otherwise) do not dictate our value.

Our value comes from our purpose and our purpose has long been forgotten. We even assert that there is no purpose, that we just "are". As incomplete as that sentence sounds, so is that definition of consciousness and who we really were created to be. If we were born for no purpose, then I surmise that we should have never found that out, but I'll leave that conversation for another time.

We need to go back to looking at the world through the eyes of a child. Instead of abhorring such innocence and naivety, we need to learn to value it again. Scientific observation and technology isn't really making anyone any happier, sure its fun, and I enjoy pondering the possibilities, but the moment our focus wanders away from heaven, our focus becomes confused, blurry, complicated and convoluted.

God is a great and gave us value, so much value that he was willing to see His son murdered for no crime in the most painful, undignified and publicly humiliating way ever devised by the perverse minds of men just to to provide us the opportunity to be reconciled to Him after we've gone on chasing all of these other distractions.

Lent starts this Wednesday. It is a great opportunity to give something up for forty days, to get rid of some clutter in our lives, to get closer to the one who loves us and decided our ultimate value long before we were ever born without any caveats.

The Idea

2011-03-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

In June of 1998 I left for a trip to a small island off the coast of Honduras to apend a couple of weeks working with my youth group and a missionary organization called Friendships. Since then, the organization has expanded quite a bit and has incorporated a growing medical ministry into their normal operations. This ministry is nearly on the same scale as the famous Mercy ships and has set up enormous tent hospitals in far away nations, in their port cities, at the heart of the ailing medically forgotten world from Africa to Haiti.

Medical ministry is not a new concept, Jesus invented it way back in John 4 when he healed the Roman officials son. This great idea is in full swing right now with plenty of gaps left open for the ambitious humanitarian and missionary to fill. This is at the very root of my idea.

THE IDEA

Our emergency departments and social medical coverage programs are the bandage, but the wound remains, festering. There is a gaping wound in the United States that socialized medicine and ED's are not currently healing. There is an opportunity to impact the community that few are will to take the steps to address. There is a community of poor underserved and very sick people who see the ER's as nothing more than clinics with really long wait times and ambulances as government paid taxis to take them to the over crowded “clinics”. Medi-cal cards are nothing more than medical specific credit cards that never have to be paid back.

The medi-cal program in California has been broken for a long time and is operating on borrowed time as it is. Fewer and fewer primary care physicians are will to accept medi-cal patients and hospitals are refusing to admit them beyond their emergency departments. I believe a large part of the problem is a social issue.

When you are poor, have no primary care physician and live on the government's dole, you are very likely living a very healthful life style. This is due to the lack of access to the fundamental elements of healthful living, a common topic on the news shows.

I work in Stockton on an ambulance. I see people come in to the hospital or call 911 that don't need to come in. They have chronic conditions that go untreated, conditions that can be simply treated with a medication. People who need just a small amount of education on how they need to change their lifestyle in simple ways to positively effect their health. A little education on how to know when to call for an ambulance and when to visit an Emergency room.

In systems like San Joaquin where, in addition to Medi-cal we also have Health Plan of San Joaquin where the county pays huge sums to the ER's and the ambulance companies for patients that could have been handled more efficiently and in a more financially culpable way. These patients and the county, hospitals, government based insurance providers would benefit from preventative medicine, educating the patients, and appropriate follow-up care. Physicians and health care systems that are invested in the patient, not just in keeping their heads above water and out of the courtroom.

In haiti we had these clinics and we would go to a small town or village for a few days. We would speak to people and get through as many patients as we could. We'd have 2 or 3 caregivers assessing, evaluating, discussing the patient's needs with the patient and treating medical issues before they became emergencies. They really have almost no access to Emergency care in Haiti, there are no ambulances, no trauma centers, no cardiac cath labs. Preventative medicine is the key to survival in this country. So I see this system and hear stories about how lives are saved with simple medicine. I wonder, how come we don't do this at home. We have plenty of man power, people sometimes wait months for volunteers posts to open up. Drug companies donate medicine to charities all the time. Donation dollars come from like minded philanthropists and your next door neighbor to help curb world hunger, AIDS epidemics, medical research for this syndrome and that disease.

County, city and state governments should jump at the opportunity to accommodate a proactive charity that may ease some of the burden on the government backed medical systems. Churches and other charities will see this as an opportunity to serve the forgotten and destitute. This is an ambitious but publicly lucrative endeavor. To establish a sort of traveling hospital of sorts where medicine is free and education is made available to deal with everything from prenatal care to hypertension and diabetes management. It would be like a health fair with a backbone in actual diagnoses and treatment.

One may wonder, “Well, if it is such a good idea, why hasn't anyone done it before?” I have two answers, 1) it has been done before with markedly tremendous results and 2) we are a society much too focused on the bottom line, but only when the bottom line is material, or, to be more crude, money. This is a money losing idea, that's part of the very definition of a charity.

The Inspiration

2011-02-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

No matter which side of the debate you reside, I think we can all agree that something needs to be done about our nation's health care system. The numerous obstacles that we, as a nation, will need to deal with are far beyond the scope of this idea that I am going to propose. But first, the inspiration.

Over the past 4 years, I have been exploring the needs of the underserved and forgotten populations. There is still a large gap where many people from lower socio-economic status can fall and never have their plights heard. Being the richest (or more accurately, most in debt) nation in the world, we have a responsibility to keep an eye on our own backyard and fill these gaps. 4 years ago I started volunteering at St. Mary's Interfaith Community Clinic, which is a free, non-profit, almost completely volunteer clinic just outside of downtown Stockton, CA. The majority of the patients that they see (at least 2 years ago while I was still volunteering there, were homeless and international visitors (more than likely illegal immigrants).

The system they had devised involved a check-in very early in the morning where tickets would be handed out to the first 50 or so patients and the rest would be turned away. The patients would be checked in about an hour before the doctor arrived. The complaints ranged from flu-like symptoms to inability to manage blood glucose. Some patients just needed prescription refills or never sought treatment for infections that had since become more severe and in need of treatment. Sometimes we'd be doing eye exams and wellness check-ups for infants, babies and their mothers, other time we'd be treating minor trauma with simple sutures or burn care.

It was amazing to me what we were capable of treating in this clinic. We were seeing patients for the same type of complaints that I'm sent code 3 in my ambulance to respond to and take them to the ER. As an ER tech, we treated all of these complaints with compassion in my small rural valley ED. But here, in this clinic I realized that "clinical medicine" encompassed much more than I had ever imagined. Whether it was the knowledge that the patients we were seeing were not likely to visit an ED or because we just did worry about any sort of litigation, we were really willing to treat patients.

Treating patients often times means covering all of your bases so that there is no stone left unturned and a litigation would never succeed. In this environment we were limited only by our resources. I, as a paramedic, was working under a doctor's license, a doctor who trusted me with procedures that the heavily regulated county EMS office would never delegate down to "the field employees". Here, though, I was a necessity, medically trained and utilized. It brought me a lot of joy.

I was also involved in a homeless ministry at a notoriously dangerous park that had been taken over by the homeless population in my home city. This was a ministry started by my pastor's son on a whim that developed into a fruitful and rewarding enterprise for everyone. We would meet on Sunday mornings, rain or shine. We would stand out on the cement pad, sometimes cold and wet in the darkness at 7 o'clock. We would have hot food, coffee and comforting word from the Bible. This came to be the best part of my week.

There were some who made professions of faith, but everyone took something positive away from the experience whether it was a full belly or a new coat or a new sleeping bag. I met people who dealt out great wisdom, people that taught me about dealing with hardship and still others who were incomprehensibly disconnected from reality. One thing that they all had in common was untreated chronic conditions that made their very difficult lives all the more tortuous.

This last fall, i was in Haiti, 10 months after the apocalyptic earthquake that brought and already ailing nation to its knees. The destitution and desperation that I encountered had my head spinning. We visited many of the rural villages where infrastructure was non-existent (even before the earthquake) and the land had long been devoid of nutrients. No trees and little water in the higher elevation, yet the villagers work high on the steep mountain sides in narrowly terraced fields where the phrase "falling out of the garden" was a macabre euphemism for death. The diet consisted mainly of water meager leafy green they could grow boiled in super-salty bullion. Needless to say, diabetes wasn't a problem, but hypertension was prolific.

With a suitcase filled with medicine that we called our formulary (in jest) we would set up a make-shift "clinic" in a local Baptist church or odd deserted government building. One of these buildings actually had a boxes upon boxes of use sharps from a government immunization program that were dated 1996. We surmise that this may have been the last time many of these secluded destitute people had actual access to medical care. We treated all forms of gastritis from worms to giardia, and amoebic dysentery to cholera, etc. We ran out of metoprolol, HCTZ, lasix, and abendazole by our 4th day and were blessed to find some left over at the mission compound from a previous trip. We, a group of 5 nurses a doctor and a paramedic, saw hundreds of patients, and wit a 5 to ten minute physical, some history taking and basic medicine (based on Dr. Sorg's many years of experience in the Amazon Basin) changed the health and lives of everyone we came into contact with. We treated everything we could and regretfully explained to the others when we couldn't.

The greatest part is that while we were there we were treaters, purveyors of care medically, emotionally and spiritually. We were giving up our meals to feed the malnourished and in some ways enjoying a bond between patient and caregiver that has been lost in our modern medical world. There is an extra element of love for this career when you are giving something of yourself in the better interest of someone you can't even speak to without a translator. They weren't just impersonal nameless patients anymore, they were people, friends, brothers and sisters who we really really wanted to help in any way we could. One night, while sitting in our kitchen listening to the katydids and voodoo drums in the valley below us I remarked to Dr. Sorg that this is the way medicine was "supposed to be". He smiled knowingly at me and agreed.

Next is THE IDEA

Lessons Learned from this years Garden

2011-01-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

This blog was written about six weeks ago and never published either. I just added the sections from Mesclun down to conclude the otherwise unfinished work. Enjoy!
This last year I had a veritable farmer's market in my own back yard. I planted several varieties of Tomatoes: Cherokee Purples, Jubilee, Roma, Cherry and San Marzano. Of these species, our favorites were, without question, the Jubilee and Cherokee Purples, although the cherry tomatoes were DELICIOUS also.

Cherokee Purples: A late crop compared to our other varieties, the fruit is big a beautiful purple and green with dark reddish-purple flesh. Not as productive as the San Marzanos and Roma's, so if you are looking for quantity, this isn't the species for you, but they may be the most delicious tomatoes I've ever had.

Jubilees: Early bloomers and produce a lot of big yellow tomatoes that are excellent just sliced up with some olive oil, balsamic vinegar and mozzarella cheese. This is a great all around tomato

Romas: While they are less resistant to blight, they are prolific producers of sweet medium size tomatoes. This is a plant that grows fast and requires some pruning since the vines tend to tangle and grow wildly in the late Summer. If you have a bigger garden, I found a way to manage this without losing the valuable fruit producing vines to pruning.

San Marzanos: The tomatoes are so coveted by foodies that it is almost worth losing space to them in your garden just to get the wide-eyed "thank yous" from grateful recipients. I didn't care much for the tomatoes raw although they are very good for stewing and making sauce, something we don't do much of in our family. Unless my wife really feels like canning this Summer, I don't plan on growing any of these. They grow like Romas, so the techniques used for a good crop of Romas applies also to these.

Cherry Tomatoes: Plant only one and give it plenty of space. These grow into GIGANTIC bushes filled with these delicate, sweet little tomatoes. I would walk out to the garden all summer and fall and just pick a tomato off for a snack. There is a variety called P100, that has recently been recommended to me that I'll probably grow as my "snack" tomato. I'll let you know how that goes.

On Technique:

I started my crops early in the year, I grew everything from seed this year. There is just something cathartic about planting the seeds and watching them grow into giant fruit producing plants. If you are starting them in the Spring, plant twice as many as you intend to have in you garden, because you will lose some as seedlings, and even if you don't, they make great gifts.

I made a simple green house table from some ply wood and 2x4's that I covered with a tarp and kept a string of small Christmas lights in over night to prevent freezing. It worked well. I also like to use as many recycled materials as I can, so I used old seed trays and halved soda can with drilled holes in the bottom for starter cups. As the tomato seedlings grow, some need a small twig for stabilization to keep them from rest on the soil, which, during Winter and Spring months, can cause them to rot. When the weather was nice enough and the stalks got hard and furry, I planted them in rows about 2 feet apart. They usually didn't make their way to the ground until they were about 10 inches tall, but they'd probably survive if you don't have cricket or grasshopper problems at about 6 inches tall.

I started out using the old wire hoop tomato cages like my mom did, but I realized that since my soil was so rich from a whole fall and winter of composting, that the cages were no where near strong enough to support them. The solution I came up with is the old-country way of supporting tomato vines. I built tepees from 1x1 4-6 foot pieces of would and strung three rings around the outside. The tepees are strong and make harvesting tomatoes from the inside of the plant easy. Next time, though, I'm planning on making much taller tepees and I'll have two or three plants per tepee. This will save room in the garden and make for a much neater appearance as well as easier harvesting.

I used a funny pipe system for watering my whole garden this year. It was my first time setting up a system like this, so I was constantly chasing leaks and holes, but it worked well and saves water by only putting it exactly where its needed, right at the roots.

No, tomatoes are not all I planted last year. I had a very early crop of radishes which were replaced by tomatoes once they were mature. Radishes grow fast and are hardy enough to survive hard frosts.

Mesclun: Several different lettuce varieties from mustard greens to chard. They are easy to grow and prone to insect infestation. I planted green the left over green onion roots from onion that we bought at the grocery store (they are tough plants and grow very ast, so don't throw them out). The onions really did help subdue the infestation however, aphids still attacked. On the advisement of a friend I squirt dish soap and water mixture on the leaves and, lo and behold, the aphids cleared out.

Leeks: grow really slow in my garden, but they are delicious, healthy and resilient. I recommend keeping a row of them in the garden year round so that you always have this tasty onion relative for great pot roasts and soups in the winter and spring.

Bell Peppers: I refuse to give any advice on this plant. It grew VERY slowly and was pretty unproductive. I'll be trying again this year, but I'll start earlier in the season and start it inside.

Egg plant: I was told that I would never grow egg plant in my climate... HA! I grew three massive eggplants that were very productive with huge delicious fruit. Possibly my most prized garden accomplishment, this will be a staple in my garden forever. If you want REALLY big fruit, use a large tomato cage for support.

Zucchini: who can screw up zucchini?

I'm still praying intently over my winter garden which is ailing me so far. I've planted carrots (which grow notoriously slow in the winter months) more mesclun, cabbage and lots of multi-colored chard. I found my first few sprouts about a week ago. I'll definitely be updating on this.

About Haiti

2011-01-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

A blog that I started several weeks ago and never published.

My medical relief trip to Haiti was incomparable to any other mission I've been on before. The degree of desperation and need in that tiny island nation surpasses any previous notion of what "need" is. I've had a heart for some time for the under-served population throughout the world, and in our own backyards.

Reading through the account of Brother Andrew's missions behind the iron curtain challenged me to look at my circumstances through God's eyes. I've been granted so much in life. I've been blessed with a nice home (modest by American Standards) and beautiful healthy family, a stable job that pays the bills, the way and means to get an education and, mos importantly, growing up in a Christian home. I devour novels about missionaries and people who've struck out from beyond their comfort zone to accomplish something great. I know, somehow, in some way that this is what God ultimately has in mind for me.

Yesterday I presented to my a brief thirty minute power point about the mission, Haiti and the great desperation I witnessed there. There were two comments that particularly stood out ot me abotu the trip. One was from a nurse of probably 20+ years, whom I mentioned to that she would be a valuable asset for the next team trip. She agreed, but declined saying "I'm just too scared". I absolutely admire her candidness and ability to just admit that she is too scared to strike out beyond her comfort zone.

Then a young girl, barely an adult came up to me. I've know her for a couple years and she has been to the College Bible Study session that I lead once a week. She said that she was interested. She's a nursing student at Cal baptist and probably has the perfect personality for this kind of work. I sent her the links to IHM to volunteer if she felt God had called her and the applications were done post haste.

This girl wants it BAD. As it stands right now, the next trip will be November 2011 with Dr. Sorg, Tee Smith, possibly Rachel Lusher and a friend of hers, me and Abbie. We could use some prayer for funds and resources to make this trip work. ortunately, we have much more time to prepare for this one than the last trip.

What I'd Rather be doing

2010-12-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

I imagine that anyone who knows me is well aware of what I'd rather be doing. After this mission in Haiti, it is hard to think of anything else as being in the least bit significant. The desperation and suffering in Haiti leave ghostly images in my mind that I cannot shake, and I'm supposed to be focusing on finals.

I need to focus on finals, and my exams and homework assignments. My professors are giving me some slack and allowing me time to turn my assignments in, but this close to the end of the semester, I just do not see how I can manage to get them all done. I need to, this is important for the next step in my career toward easing my way (or jumping headlong, which ever best suits God's purposes) into missions. For the one or two of you that may someday run across this blog, please pray for me. I just can't seem to focus.

A Great Quote...

2010-11-26T06:07:00.000-08:00

no blog... just a quote that I borrowed from a full time missionary in Haiti:

Better to love God and die unknown than to love the world and be a hero; better to be content with poverty than to die a slave to wealth; better to have taken some risks and lost than to have done nothing and succeeded at it. -E. Lutzer

Distraction

2010-11-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

I'm at that point where I can no longer piece together a intelligible thought. I'm beyond frustrated. I spent weeks trying to get caught up in Chemistry and weeks tryign to keep up in statistics. I am now so flustered, stressed and over-stimulated that nothign makes any sense to me any more. I am so uncertain of anythign I do in my homework or testing that I cannot even complete a sentence.

I am in a state of utter desperation and have been thoroughly humbled. I may never get caught up again this semester. How did this happen? I am normally such a good student. I have spent countless hours studying and feel like I'm just spinning my gears. Nothing I read in either text book makes any sense anymore.

I described it to a classmate as chasing after a train on foot and when I'm just about to catch up and jump on board, I trip and then sit on my butt watching it just pass me buy. I am so over-anxious or confused or baffled or jsut out of my element or all four that I can no longer focus. I've never been here before and am now convinced that I have come to a point where I am just in over my head.

I need time to clear my head, but I don't have time to spend on anythign but homework but can't do my homework because I need to clear my head and get my thoughts in order. There is no reprieve. There is no chance to take a step back and catch up. The train has passed me by and I'm afraid that I have finally blown it, really screwed up.

This semester was ridiculous. Not only did I take a suprisingly challenging load (not out of over-confidence but out of ignorance basing my decision to take these calasses on the false assumption that they wouldn't be that challenging/demanding) Ignorance kills. So two grandfather's die in two weeks. I ahve all this crap at work that caused a HUGE amount of stress. I have this mission to Haiti comign up on me... what can I do? I can't drop classes ebcause I can't pay the money back for the GI Bill.

I'm afraid that there is nothgin anyone can do to help me now. I ahve a homework assignment that I need to ahve done by tomorrow and it seems hoepless since I cannot understand the material at all. I have no excuse, I'm just failing and have no idea how to stop it from happening.

Fire and Brimstone Preaching?

2010-08-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

Something that has been on my heart recently is the droves of people who walk around with faith that is based on anything but fact. We hear watered-down inadequate versions of the gospel message every day but we need nourishment and to hear the truth, and sometimes it can be painful. Fire and brimstone preaching may not be as likely to reach the masses today. This isn't the time for a big tent revival, this is a time where everyone wants a religion taylored for there own personal philosophies and lifestyle.

Because of this, people tend to be more likely to walk away from the fire and brimstone preacher rejecting healthful food for the junk food of apostate philosphes, but there are circumstances where this same "fire and brimstone" preacher would have an awesome impact.

Preaching in love isn't just translating a cotton-candy cloud version of the gospel message, it has a lot to do with telling the hard truths, but in a loving way.

So how would you tell someone "you're going to hell" in a loving way? The first step is actually loving the person you are telling it to. If you can't do that, don't bother witnessing because you will come across as the judge, jury and executioner instead of a purveyor of the most gracious and loving news mankind has ever heard.

In the video above, an evangelist and an "every day" christian (I mean this in a good way) are having a discussion in the sidewalk in Old Town Sacramento. This candid discussion makes the point much better than I every could in writing. These are people living out the Great Commission and they understand why.

He must increase; but I must decrease.

2010-08-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Dissatisfaction is a disease. I have it, most people I know have it. I think that the epic proportions make it one of the most problematic plagues of all time. Some people mistake it for hope. Some people consider it healthy and the genesis of ambition. Others make it their very life's work to deceive others into thinking that the cure is wealth, or giving up earthly possessions. Salesman and career grifters taunt us with promises of true satisfaction, and they are good at it. They are so good at it because they realize that few really know where real satisfaction really comes from.

We have learned to exploit this disease in strangers, family members, and ourselves. In those with which we are unacquainted we "turn a buck" by convincing them that we have what will finally make them satisfied if they'd just pay this price for it. We feed off of their distrust and make it our mission to soothe their apprehensions with small lies just to get them to feel a little connection between us. This connection leads to trust which is something that we all deeply desire; a trusting community with others is a seemingly unquenchable desire and also links into our sense of seeking satisfaction.

Our family members suffer at our hands as well. We manipulate and bribe our family with promises of fun, love and commitment in order to obtain selfish desires like a home where we can all do what we want free of any actual accountability to one another. Such selfishness is always at the core of dysfunctional families. (I know that that's a bold statement, but I confidently stand by it).

While this disease grows and makes itself a home in us like a damning cancer, we feed its every lust and desire. This disease is also like an addiction driving us to sacrifice small bits of ourselves upon the alters of satisfaction. We look to events, circumstances, belongings, experiences, relationships, hobbies and other outlets for that sense of satisfaction. Self-placating obsessions are called constructive by some, but only to satisfy their need for personal justification. It is all a lie.

My wife is reading Ecclesiastes for the first time and I can't begin to tell you how it has made her think. It has been long time since I first read the book and I have a small recollection of the eye opening effect it had on me and the way I looked at the world. At first glance, it appears dire and depressing and it is entirely antithetical to the "American Dream" and the ambitions of Western Culture in general. All of the things that we consider so incredibly valuable and worth sacrificing for are called meaningless, folly, vanities, useless, pointless, smoke, and nonsense. Wisdom, wealth, knowledge, power, respect, work, sex, food, everything....

King Solomon found no actual long lasting satisfaction in these things.

I find no actual satisfaction in these things either, although I keep trying. I know the answer to end the struggle of fighting off the drive to fulfill our emotional need for satisfaction with "things" but I can't seem to do it. For a very long time I thought that I may be alone in this. I meet people all the time who give off the image that they are perfectly satisfied. As if they have the answer and have managed, through some great stroke of luck or their hard work, to find complete and utter satisfaction. It's a lie.

No body actually creates any long lasting satisfaction on their own. We have an innate desire to be satisfied and often, through self-pity or self-praise seek other avenues other than the one prescripted for us. I'm not talking about a life totally planned out for you where every other step has been carefully crafted to maximize your satisfaction, you just have to use these awesome Bible goggles to see it. No, that is definitely not the case.

Our satisfaction comes from focusing on something beyond us. Something greater than us and directing our lives toward it. You know exactly who and what I'm talking about. In John Ch 3 we see some extraordinary evidence of a man who knows where to find satisfaction and from where it comes.

23 At this time John the Baptist was baptizing at Aenon, near Salim, because there was plenty of water there; and people kept coming to him for baptism. 24 (This was before John was thrown into prison.) 25 A debate broke out between John’s disciples and a certain Jew[a] over ceremonial cleansing. 26 So John’s disciples came to him and said, “Rabbi, the man you met on the other side of the Jordan River, the one you identified as the Messiah, is also baptizing people. And everybody is going to him instead of coming to us.”

27 John replied, “No one can receive anything unless God gives it from heaven. 28 You yourselves know how plainly I told you, ‘I am not the Messiah. I am only here to prepare the way for him.’ 29 It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the best man is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success. 30 He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.

31 “He has come from above and is greater than anyone else. We are of the earth, and we speak of earthly things, but he has come from heaven and is greater than anyone else.[b] 32 He testifies about what he has seen and heard, but how few believe what he tells them! 33 Anyone who accepts his testimony can affirm that God is true. 34 For he is sent by God. He speaks God’s words, for God gives him the Spirit without limit. 35 The Father loves his Son and has put everything into his hands. 36 And anyone who believes in God’s Son has eternal life. Anyone who doesn’t obey the Son will never experience eternal life but remains under God’s angry judgment.”

John, was a well known and revered "man of the cloth". He was man set aside for the purposes of preparing the way for Christ. He knew he was playing a supporting role and rejoiced in it. It wasn't about his glory or his fame. It was all about Jesus. He was "filled with joy" at Jesus popularity! This reaction is extraordinary because it is a direct response to the possibly incredulous inquisitors who seemed to have expected John to be rather upset by this.

Jesus, the "light" (see Jn 1:6-9) had come and John the Baptist, the "lamp" (Jn 5:35), had completed its work. As far as I can gather from my studies of the Bible that is the true source of lasting satisfaction. Giving the thrown over to Christ, letting him rule and completing the work that he has set out for you to do.

Let's not deceive others or ourselves into thinking that there is any easy way to be totally satisfied. There isn't. It is a long road filled with bumps, potholes, hair-pin turns, detours and long stretches of 15% grades, but we are equipped by the mercy of God for the trip.

For my personal application, this has far reaching implications. I am perpetually dissatisfied. Not iwth what I have, because, the glory goes to God on this one, I really have learned to be happy with what I have (which is really not so hard when you have all of your needs met and then some). My dassatisfaction is with the direction that this minute life of mine is heading in, more accurately, the lack of knowledge of the direction this little life of mine is heading. I have an insatiable appetite for adventure, new experiences and a meaningful existence. Like John the Baptist, I have an intellectual knowledge of where the meaning comes from, and I want to be and active participant. I get glimpses of God's plan for me all the time, but it can be so confusing difficult to commit my heart to as the puzzle pieces are slowly revealed to me. I want that puzzle box cover so I can see the whole picture and put the pieces together before I even have them all. I know the general shape of the puzzle I just hope beyond all hope that I can see what the finished product will look like before God decides that I'm ready to.

Like everyone else, I must wait for that, walk the narrow path out in front of me where I meet very few fellow travelers. Above all else, I need to remember that He must become greater and must become less.

Sincerely,
Zach

PS. I am always looking for fellow travelers. Please, if you can relate and are on the same journey, i'd love to hear from you.

Jesus' Grace

2010-08-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

Trudging through life's abysmal plains and glorious peaks we may find ourselves reluctantly looking inside trying to identify what personal characteristics, proclivities and choices have lead to our current circumstance and condition. Many times, we have ourselves to blame for the low points. Other times, it is just happenstance as far as we can tell.

Sometimes, the feeling of walking in the abysmal plain is completely disconnected from our current state of being. For instance, we may be financially secure with strong family ties and little to worry over. Other times we may feel on top of the world but have little physical reason to justify such a feeling. Therefore, I am convinced that emotional contentedness comes not from physical things but instead from something beyond. Something we in all likelihood can never and will never fully grasp. It is not happiness that I'm talking about. Read on and you will realize why this differentiation is a necessary one.

I am not in the mood to convert you right now, although, it is not me who makes such decisions. I am in an introspective mood tonight. The ongoing mental process is esoteric at best and purely self-indulgent at worst, but through this, I consider that someone out there may be able to relate. If that is you, please let me know because I'd like to talk with someone who is at the same stage in their journey as me.

To consider one's circumstance, it is vital to know the condition of one's self. As a Christian, and one who some consider to be a "mature Christian" I must be clear that my struggles are not unusual in anyway. An author that I have a lot of respect for once wrote that throughout our lives, we undergo a long arduous journey that leaves us battered and bruised, emotionally strung out and sometimes saddened but Jesus is there with outstretched arms welcoming us into unity with Him through his life, death, resurrection and work, bruises and scars and everything else.

For once in my life, I actually feel financially secure. Things have gone well for us over the last year and a half. At work, I have ups and downs. Frankly, I'm sick of the violence, hatred, animosity, back stabbing, arrogance, vulgarity, ambivalence and general disregard for others. I do not know even one fellow Christian at work. Not one. May of my co-workers are antagonistic toward Christianity at best while other's outwardly loathe God. This is a difficult arena to work in. it's hard to wallow through the mud without getting some of it on you.

What's worse is that I find myself too concerned with things beyond my control in the midst of having many things that require my attention that are within my realm of influence. So I find myself distracted by these uncontrollable things, falling prey to them through thought and deed. I sin then rebuke my sin, repent of my sin, then sin again. I wonder if I have even repented at all, hoping against all hope that I get credit for wishing I could stop. In a daze I hold out a weary hand saying "dear God, pull me out" yet I still find myself in the same earthly mires looking for a study foot hold.

It's like in Pilgrim's Progress in the Mires of Despair where Pilgrim finds himself begging for mercy, wondering if he would ever actually make the right decision in order to finally make it to the heavenly gates. Only, in my circumstance I know I'll make it I'm just too impatient to wait. So what does this mean for you and me?

I seek peace. Biblical peace is loosely defined as unity with Christ. Unity with Christ isn't something that we create but a gift that we receive through Christ's saving work. Christ's love for us and his sacrifice on the cross is more than enough to provide peace for all mankind, past, present and future. Who among us chooses that peace?

Its easy to say, "I'm a Christian," and never seek to live by God's will, to never turn away from sin, to disregard sins as being trivial and therefore irrelevant to our salvation. But if your heart is so hardened as to not even give to the slightest inkling of your total depravity, peace is far from your grasp. You will not create it nor accidentally find it. It comes from a relationship with Christ which results from relinquishing your rule over your life to God.

I'm sure I've mentioned this verse before in these blogs but it is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. John 14:27 "Peace I give to you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I hereby relinquish the throne to Jesus Christ with full knowledge that I will again have to relinquish the throne to Him tomorrow, on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and so on for the rest of my life. I'd like to make it a one time ceremony, but I know through my own experience that due to my feeble grasp on God's character and my arrogance that this will be an ongoing feud between me and my own self-righteous or self-pitying or self-indulgent tendencies.

God, forgive me for my inequities, however innumerable they are. Amen.

The Cost of Godless Morality

2010-04-27T17:09:00.001-07:00

This image is courstesy of AP newswire. This is a still life from the security camera that witnessed the tragic inhumanity and utter dispassionate responses from passersby as this man lay helpless, dying on the streets of New York.

Throughout human existance, one this has been constant, a need for a moral base. A sort of standard by which to guide our own moral decision making. No moral decision is made in a vacuum but basing one's own choices on a movable scale, one of relativity instead of one founded upon solid absolute truth makes for a dangerous world, one much like the world we live in today.

I don't seek to find or create a utopia where everyone does the right thing. In spite of a long history of Christian attempts at such a society, it is clear that it is not only unrealistic, but an impossible endeavor. The new Camelot is a fairy tale. Some philosophers and scientists see the founding of a utopia as within the realm of possibility, if only it weren't for those pesky religious folks of course. Some scientists believe that if the world were to embrace a secular world based on their logic and their science, we would all be freed of the religious ties that keep us from attaining the unattainable.

One scientist believes that by proving the source of moral decision making is none other than one's own brain, we might conclude that we have no soul, and the need for belief in a higher being would thereby become obsolete. I beg to differ.

For the next month, I will be putting together a paper on the source for morality, the source for goodness and defending the importance and existence of a soul. In the meantime, its unlikely I will be posting much on this blog, but would like to leave everyone with an article that should spur interest in this topic of morality.

Homeless good Samaritan left to die on NYC street

Separation of Church and State: No clause for alarm

2010-04-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

This is actually a paper I first wrote some years ago, but I recently had to revamp the whole thing for my sociology class so that it would reflect the topic a bit better. Please enjoy with a dark cup of coffee. - Zach
“And since Theocracy is the worst, the nearer any government approaches to Theocracy the worse it will be.”– C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms (24).

The United States has over 300 years of rich religious history from the Puritans and the Catholics to our own home-grown Latter Day Saints and Scientologists. This same rich religious history has been a source of constant tension since the first settlers clashed with the Native Americans. While the religious debate has become a bit more civilized over the years, the tension has never quite dissolved. The sensationalized Supreme Court of the United States ruling in the Thomas Van Orden v. Rick Perry case highlights this ongoing conflict and simultaneously illuminates one of America’s greatest strengths. Thomas Van Orden’s testimony was directed at a monument of the Ten Commandments located on the State of Texas Capital grounds, which he believed to be in direct violation of the First Amendment’s Establishment Clause. After being dismissed in both district court and appellate court, the case was granted certiorari by the Supreme Court, which in spite of a sharply divided panel, affirmed the previous rulings (Rehnquist 8). One might suspect that this would be viewed as a great victory for the “Religious Right” of the country, but for those who really do value religious liberty one of the Nation's founding principles, this may not be the case. One need only a cursory investigation into this nation's historical politics to find the shear volume of historic governmental slights and fumbles of matters of faith that season the United States’ torrid religious history. Separation of church and state is not only beneficial but also an imperative for the religious and secular alike.
In response to this controversial viewpoint, an under-dwelling torrent of religious traditionalism seeps into any argument that attempts to dissuade others from holding a firm opinion on the Establishment Clause.
There is a good amount of precedent for this. In the SCOTUS ruling of Van Orden v. Perry, Justice Rehnquist acknowledged the prolific representation of a Christian heritage in government facilities throughout the nation, including our nation’s Capital:

[A] large statue of Moses holding the Ten Commandments, along-side a statue of the Apostle Paul, has over looked the rotunda of the Library of Congress’ Jefferson Building since 1897. And the Jefferson Building’s Great Reading room contains a sculpture of a woman beside the Ten Commandments with a quote above her from the Old
Testament… (8)

The list of Biblical references on public display goes on. This illustrates a pivotal argument in the case, and begs the question, “If the Supreme Court had found the Ten Commandments monument unconstitutional, would that have lead to all references to scriptural figures and ideas being erased from our federally owned properties?” As Justice Scalia stated in his concurring remarks, “…there is nothing unconstitutional in a State’s favoring religion generally, honoring God through public prayer and acknowledgment, or, in a non-proselytizing manner, venerating the Ten Commandments” (11). In other words, Justice Scalia sees no harm in a sort of innocuous, sanitized version of Christianity being favored, as long as the government is not trying to convert anyone. This factual representation of what Judeo-Christian scripture and tradition have become in America is a strong argument in support of leaving the Ten Commandments monument erected.

On the other hand, neither of the opposing sides benefit from this reasoning. Through the eyes of a Christian, the federal court just diluted Christianity, equating it to a harmless after-thought or quaint tradition. Justice Scalia effectively rationalized that the Ten Commandments have only a demonstrative value in this setting, and he is right.. The religion of some of America’s past historical figures provide further validation to Justice Scalia’s claim, as disturbing as it may seem. Abraham Lincoln has been known as a president who was greatly accommodating to religion but in 1838 the late president delivered a speech before the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois and introduced a new idea that he called “political religion” in order to unite a fractured post-war populace (Grunes 7):

Let reverence for the laws, be breathed by every American mother, to the lisping babe, that prattles on her lap – let it be taught in schools, in seminaries, and in colleges – let it be written in Primers, spelling books, and in Almanacs – let it be preached from the pulpit, proclaimed in legislative halls, and enforced in courts of justice. And, in short, let it become the political religion of the nation and let the old and the young, the rich and the poor, the grave and the gay, of all sexes and tongues, and colors and conditions, sacrifice unceasingly upon its altars. (Grunes 7)

Plainly, President Lincoln just alluded to a worship of laws which is in utter contradiction to the first two of the Ten Commandments. His intention was not to actually create a new religion, but this cavalier attitude to “sacrifice unceasingly” on the altars of the law is like telling an airline mechanic that it is high time that he pay his respects to and spend more time learning about kites. The only alter a Christian ought to sacrifice on, whether figurative or otherwise, is that of God. This diluted version of Christianity is barely even recognizable to a practicing Christian and is similar to the form of degenerate corporate prayer that Justice Scalia suggests.

Alternatively, neither should the government disavow all reference to God nor seek to completely secularize every federally controlled and funded entity in the country. Eliminating such references only serves to harm those who are part of a religion. Anti-religion doctrine has a history of oppression as well. Notable examples of oppressive atheistic governments include the U.S.S.R., modern China and North Korea. In these countries, religious intolerance has lead to imprisonments and executions of religious clergy and followers. A more factually balanced understanding to the role of government in religion and, conversely, religion in government must be explored. In addition to protecting the rights of the religious and non-religious the Establishment Clause precludes the granting of special rights to anyone according to their religious affiliation.

The Ten Commandments on government property does not indicate an official religious stance anymore than wearing New York Yankees baseball cap makes one a Yankees fan. Such over-simplified characterizations of member of religious groups further support the notion that separation of church and state is an enabler of religions to grow and prosper in America. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German Pastor known for his opposition to Adolph Hitler during World War II, wrote of a visit to the United States:

Nowhere has the principle of the separation of church and state become a matter of such general, almost dogmatic significance as in American Christianity, and nowhere, on the other hand, is the participation of the churches in the political, social, economic, and cultural events of public life so active and so influential as in a country where there is no state church. (Bonhoeffer 105)

The apparent paradox in this quotation doubles as an allegory for the fundamental conflict at the heart of the case. Should the impact of Christianity on the people of the United States, afforded to the Christian people through the separation of church and state, be viewed as unconstitutional or as a matter of natural course? Simply put, the answer is “Yes.” If the influence of Christianity (or any other religion for that matter) can be attributed to the separation of church and state, as Bonhoeffer suggests, then the government can neither participate in it by establishing a state religion nor oppose it by legitimizing torts with the intent to suppress it.

This idea of government neutrality stems from an understanding of the establishment clause that yields not only to conventional wisdom but also historical scholarship. In his presidential farewell address, President George Washington said, “Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports.” This nation was founded on principles very similar to those found in the Bible, however, over the years the government has been inconsistent with those same principles thus weakening the position that this is a Christian nation to the point that has become altogether non-defendable. While many of our founding fathers were likely Bible-believing Christians, many were also critics of Protestant and Catholic beliefs and self-proclaimed Deists. Generally speaking, total control by a religion and, diametrically, a country with no participation from the religious establishments would both result in oppression. All Americans, not just the non-Christian ones, benefit as a result of the separation of church and state.

Works Cited
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “Protestantism Without Reformation.” No Rusty Swords: Letter, Lectures
and Notes from the Collected Works of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Vol. 1, ed. Edwin J.
Robertson, trans. Robertson and John Bowden. New York: Harper & Row, 1965.
Grunes, Rodney A. “Jefferson, Lincoln and Religious Freedom.” White House Studies.
Farmington Hills: Nova Science Publishers, Inc. 2005.
Lewis, C.S. Reflections on the Psalms. Orlando: Harcourt Publishing, 1986.
Scalia, Antonin Supreme Court Justice. “Thomas Van Orden, Petitioner v. Rick Perry, in His
Official Capacity as Governor of Texas and Chairman State Preservation Board: Justice
Scalia, concurring.” Yale Law School. Balkin, Jack. Information Society Project. 2005.
Rehnquist, William Supreme Court Justice. “Thomas Van Orden, Petitioner v. Rick Perry, in His
Official Capacity as Governor of Texas and Chairman State Preservation Board”.
Yale Law School. Balkin, Jack. Information Society Project. 2005.
Thomas, Clarence Supreme Court Justice. “Thomas Van Orden, Petitioner v. Rick Perry, in His
Official Capacity as Governor of Texas and Chairman State Preservation Board: Justice
Thomas, concurring.” Yale Law School. Balkin, Jack. Information Society Project. 2005.
Washington, George. “Washington’s Fairwell Address 1796.” Avalon Project: Documents in law History and Diplomacy. 10 October 2008. Yale Law School.

Letter To my Professor

2010-03-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

Here's an email I sent to my Cultural Anthropology professor today that just seems particularly poignant considering the recent debased activities of our House Of "Representatives".

Dear Dr. Smart (not her real name, but I should probably ask her before I publish her name on here),

I apologize in advance, but I really wouldn‘t be able to go to sleep tonight without doing this.

Question 23 asked, “Which of the following political systems would be considered centralized system?” My options are (a) States and chiefdoms (b) bands (c) chiefdoms (d) states (e) tribes. The correct answer was (a). I chose (c) chiefdoms.

In reference the graphic (10.1) used in the text on page 221 in the Lenkeit text book, there are four representative and simplified line diagrams designed to provide a basic understanding of “Organizational Bases of Societies”. The graphics are obviously intended only to be basic representations and are far too simplified to be of any more use than just helpful illustrations for conceptualizing the organizations. In addition to these illustrations, Dr. Lenkeit chose to include basic descriptions and characteristics of each society. Under Chiefdoms is the term “Centralized Authority” and under States is “Stratified Layers of Authority”. Both labels seem to be appropriate, at least to me.

It may be argued that a state government, at its heart, is a centralized government. I tend to disagree since this label is altogether too simple to accurately describe the variation that occurs within a state’s governmental and social organization. I would also argue that a state needn’t have a centralized government in order to be considered a state. States have tremendous variety in there structure and organization (227) and cannot be easily classified. The qualifications for statehood as listed by Dr. Lenkeit are: (1) There are laws (2) Policing is institutionalized (3) ruling bureaucrats have varying degrees of authority and power (4) political and economic classes stratify the society, (5) Wealth is not equally distributed, (6) there is specialization at every level. The definition used is: “a type of society characterized by a political structure with authority that is legally constituted.” The part I want to call attention to is “authority is legally constituted” and would like to add my own observation, that it need not be centralized.

For an example of just such a state, we need only look as far as our own. The goal of the forefathers was instead to decentralize the government, making a nation that was stratified and held accountable by those who gave it power, the citizens. The necessity for the decentralization, which was written into our constitution, is defended by the author (either Alexander Hamilton of James Madison)of the Federalist paper No. 51, "The Structure of the Government Must Furnish the Proper Checks and Balances Between the Different Departments." He wrote:

“But the great security against a gradual concentration of the several powers in the same department, consists in giving to those who administer each department the necessary constitutional means and personal motives to resist encroachments of the others… It may be a reflection on human nature, that such devices should be necessary to control the abuses of government.”

The careful reader may discern from this excerpt that the author wasn’t all too confident in a centralized government model. The author goes on to explain how this division and stratification was accomplished in the Constitution:

“In the compound republic of America, the power surrendered by the people is first divided between two distinct governments, and then the portion allotted to each subdivided among distinct and separate departments. Hence a double security arises to the rights of the people. The different governments will control each other, at the same time that each will be controlled by itself.”

Not quite the convicting evidence yet? Here’s the nail in the coffin:

“Whilst all authority in it will be derived from and dependent on the society, the society itself will be broken into so many parts, interests, and classes of citizens, that the rights of individuals, or of the minority, will be in little danger from interested combinations of the majority.”

The philosophy here seems to be that socially constructed groupings of citizens are an intrinsic and inseparable part of the governmental and social structure. Therefore, if the society is the source of the authority, the authority is separated into several autonomous but still vaguely dependent parts so as to have none more powerful than the other thereby providing for the security and will of the people administered by mechanisms derived from a republic, how can a “centralized” government survive in such a model? The answer is simply that it can’t. Given that democratic republics are common social models among states throughout the world, this generalization just doesn’t hold up.

Once again, I will concede that, although only in the most elementary of terms, state organizational bases may be considered centralized. I submit, however, that such a definition would be wholly inaccurate and in conflict with the spirit of integrity so important to objective academic disciplines like cultural anthropology. Instead, if one were so inclined to place such a general term on a enormously diverse social model like statehood, “stratification” -- as Dr. Lenkeit so astutely chose -- would be the least objectionable.

Respectfully,
Zach Greenlee

If you click on the title of this blog entry, you can see the Federalist paper No. 51 in its entirety.

Ooooh, the garden

2010-03-15T17:58:00.000-07:00

Finally, finally, Spring is here. Well, at least we've probably seen the last frost. Which means all of those little starters I have growing in my kitchen can be taken outside to my potting bench/cold frame. I haven't had a lot of luck with the first starters of the season. My Santa Ana beans rotted. I decided just to dig a few up to try and figure out why they were so late in sprouting and they stunk like nobody's business, so into the compost heap they go. My six-year-old biologist son is soaking new beans in a paper towel overnight. In the morning, we'll sow the new ones in the sand with a little compost rather than the coarse potting soil I was instructed to use.

The rotten beans were the only snag of the day though. I have dainty little sprouts stretching their brand new leaves for the first time all over the place. The one I'm currently most proud of: I have a new Roma sprout, which makes three successful Roma starts! I have two Yellow Jubilee starts that are growing really fast, they are supposed to be pretty hardy tomatoes and the fruit size seems to bear witness to their otherwise furtive prowess. There have been yellow jubilees that are rumored to have broken the 2 pound mark! And then I have one little hunched-over cherry tomato start that seems to be trying, striving, pushing to leaf out just a little bit more.

My bush beans are growing like crazy with broad dark green stalks and big furry leaves. I transplanted them to separate cans (I recycle soda cans to use for starter cups to save money) because I was afraid their roots would get too intertwined to transplant them as individuals. The leeks, those slow-growing, cold-weather onion kin, are all sprouting beautifully and seem to be ready to move on to the next step, neolocalization, specifically, to the nutrient rich sandy loam of my garden plot.

What garden would be complete, though, without radishes? I have plenty of them. I understand that once they grow their tertiary set of leaves, a conscientious gardener would thin them out to 1-3 inches apart. Not me, no, not me and here's the reason: I found out when I was a kid that when radishes have plenty of space they grow big and they grow fast, and when they have little water they become very spicy. My goal is to not allow them to grow too big or too hot but also grow slowly because I want them to be mature at about the same time as my lettuce and my lettuce is growing MUCH more slowly than the seed package said it would.

I have three more species of tomato on order right now, Cherokee Purple, San Marzano and Stuffing tomatoes. Each of these was chosen for their specific and unique qualities: Cherokee Purples for their legendary sweetness and meaty texture, San Marzanos for their unrivalled flavor when stewed or made into sauce, Stuffings for their hollow bodies and tough skin which are perfect for deceptively simple yet delicious broiled appetizers and entrees.

Between you me, and the other 4 people who read this blog, I have recently found myself aspiring to proudly present some of my heirlooms at a farmer's market this year, at least once. We'll see.

The cherry on top was a little surprise in my compost pile. I found it while I was hand aerating and mixing all of my fantastically rotting kitchen scraps and leaves. A garlic clove that we thought was rotting and just carelessly tossed into our kitchen scraps bucket had sprouted and developed roots and a stalk totalling about 8 inches in length. To reward the garlic for its "against all odds" victory, she was planted in her own starter can. Here's a picture of the little champion.

Why dogma debates drive me nuts.

2010-03-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

Really? You're back for more? I can't believe anyone is actually reading this blog after such sporadic posting over the last year. Between school, work and the new baby, I've had my hands full, which means that I've also had time to forget everything that I planned to write about.

There is one thing that I hope to get some feedback on though. I used to love the theology and morality debates. I used to go onto a site called Christianforums.com just to find an argument that I wanted to weigh in on. Those days are over now. Actually, I went back just the other day (after a nearly 3 year hiatus) because a friend emailed me something that he read on the site. I tried to add something to the discussion when I saw some guy berating some other guy for having doubts about creationism. I can't stand people scolding others on candid spiritual issues that require sensitivity and someone willing to listen and calmly discuss the issue.

Anyway, no sooner did I speak up was I attacked by a half dozen or so others who basically labeled me as a "secularist in Sheep's clothing". So I left the discussion, disgusted by the unabashed discord among the Christians, people who should be holding each other's hands and speaking to them lovingly as brothers and sisters.

Why do we do this? Why is it so important to win a debate? Does Jesus care how many points we score on doctrinal issues? Like my dear Pastor says (with all the sage wisdom that only a Irish brogue can convey), "major on the majors and minor on the minors". The trouble seems to be, for most people, deciding which is which. I'm not big into theological language. I understand much of it and can write a quasi-coherent paper on many theological issues in a pinch, but I prefer a knowledge that I can use to glorify God through evangelistic pursuits.

I'm constantly getting quizzed by people (especially since I started teaching a Bible study), on theological terms and questions better left to people with degrees MDiv's and PhD's. I'm invited into debates that I have little opinion or conviction over. I don't know how to politely refuse to voice my opinion without sounding either ignorant or apathetic. The problem is that if I ask a simple question that is relevant, timely and foundational to our faith and every one of my students can't answer it or answer it incorrectly, then my focus must instead be on reinforcing the lesson again and again until they understand as well or better than me.

These lessons may not be complex and require the critical thinking that the more advanced lessons do, but for the purposes of evangelism, to better know God's will and to maximize my satisfaction in the Lord, I zero in on prayer and obedience. We need to now what sin is. We need to know who Jesus is. We need to know who we are in relation to God. We need to know the gospel message better than our own life story.

As for me, I know the gospel message, its significance and I'm beginning to grasp its power. I know that the Bible is an indispensable tool for understanding God's greatness and discerning His will for my life. I choose to care more about being the disciple that Jesus commissioned me and every else to be than proving to others that I'm more correct that they are about this dogma or that.

I really want to know... what do you think? What deserves debate and what doesn't?

Maeve's Poem

2010-01-09T23:32:00.000-08:00

Maeve was born this morning at 8:50 in Modesto, CA. She weighed 9lbs and 2 oz and was just under 21 inches long. She has a full head of dark hair and is our first daughter.

This poem was written by the graceful and talented Carolyn Wing Greenlee for my daughter, Maeve Elizabeth Greenlee.

Dear little Maeve,
just few hours old,
Love pours in
as word goes out.
Fresh eyes gaze
at your perfect face
in perfect peace
on your first Earth day.
In wonder
we greet you,
God's best mix
of Irish, Welsh, and distant green
of places far as your faithful name
in echoed melodies
singing in your soul
humming in your bones--
music through which your own sweet voice
will pleasure Him
who gave you life.
He knit you together
in your mother's womb
from design
before the start of Time
for the woman of faith you'd grow to be
to bless the world in wond'rous ways
for such a time as this.

Live in the Spirit

2010-01-08T16:52:00.000-08:00

Just some thought provoking pre-Bible study reading for my students :)

On Gal 5:16-26

LIVING IN THE SPIRIT
In verse 16 Paul, who makes the claim that the fleshly desires are at enmity with the Spirit, thus contrasting “flesh” with “love” we can now see that the only way to conquer the flesh is to “live in the Spirit”. But what does this mean?

First, the modifier fleshly is used to describe the desires of fallen, sinful man in the absence of the Holy Spirit's presence and, as logically follows, the Spirit's guidance. The fruits of the Spirit are listed in Gal 5:22-23 as: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. As Paul goes on to say, “Against these things there is no law,” meaning that those who manifest these fruit are fulfilling the law. The law that the letter to the Galatians seems most concerned with is actually nothing more than a claim that false teachers had been making, that circumcision was necessary for salvation. The law that governed the Jews is not our salvation, salvation is by grace and grace alone. Simultaneously, Paul was drawing special attention to this teaching of spiritual fruit which he aptly uses as proof against the claims of the false teachers. This fruit comes by means God's grace and is best illustrated by Jesus in John 15, not by the laws of men.

There are many terms used to help make this phrase more amicable to a cursory understanding of the role of this “third person” of the Holy Trinity. One which seems to fit well in today's vernacular is to “Walk by the Spirit” or even possibly “Walk with the Spirit” although by using the word by, the relational intermingling of our “walk” and our concomitant reliance on the Spirit for this journey is probably more accurately portrayed. Therefore, we will “Walk by the spirit”.

This integrated view of personal responsibility and the faithfulness exhibited by the Holy Spirit can be supported by the virtue self-control as listed in v. 23, which is actually something that we are provided with that allows us to resist the desires of the flesh. This does not exonerate us from any responsibility should we fail to resist fleshly desires, but instead gives us no excuse not to. Where intellectual means of altruistic moral decision making fail, we have a parachute that is the Holy Spirit who beckons us through the Holy Scriptures and our conscience.

So if we don't earn our way to heaven but are instead saved by grace, how is it that Paul says “...those who live like this will not inherit the Kingdom of God”?

This is answered in nearly the same breath. In verse 24 we see that “those who belong to Jesus Christ have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Clearly, the differentiation has been made here between the life of one lost to sin and one who belongs to Christ. A Christian's life is characterized by these 9 virtues, not the sinful desires and actions described in verses 19-21. If your life is either not characterized by these virtues or is characterized by these sins, then you would have cause for concern about your salvation and should carefully consider that you may be apart from the Holy Spirit. As it is written in Phil 2:12-13:

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Travelling companions

2010-01-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

I get asked almost daily why I am still in school. I'm almost 30 years old and still working on a biology degree. I'm a husband of almost 10 years and father of 2 (soon 3 since, as I type this, my wife who is already overdue sits in bed resting her weary body in preparation for a c-section tomorrow morning). Since waking up this morning I've been getting the normal household chores completed anticipating the neglect that our house will face for the next few days while she heals in the hospital and handle the primary parenting duties, something I am not well-accustomed to.

Not being accustomed to this s something that one hesitates to admit, especially in the presence of judgmental young women who believe themselves to have a monopoly on the fairness market thinking themselves to be purveyors of justice when some man appears to not be holding his own. One young woman, so secure in her wisdom on marriage despite her youth and having never actually been married, advised me that I was actually a miserable husband and father due to my preoccupation with school and work and that I should be equally as familiar with the household chores and duties as my wife.

Despite her boisterous disdain for the traditional roles of husbands and wives, I attempted to explain to her that this wasn't just some preoccupation, but instead my occupation, to provide for my family. This is a long road, first beginning with the Coast Guard, then paramedic school and now college. I own a house, we take vacations, we have a mini-van and a car for me to commute in. My son's are involved in piano classes, cub scouts and church. My wife freely pursues her hobbies and I spend every available minute with my family.

Over the years, if you have read my blog, you may have wondered the same thing. I dream of missionary work, but struggle with a sense of calling. It seems to many that I have a calling to be a paramedic, which I am passionate about. But I am passionate about so many things. I have never really had that one thing that I was willing to pursue with such momentum that there was no getting in my way, until now. I pursue a degree in biology with such vigor that I find myself trying to find ways to speed up the process in my never ending enthusiasm to succeed beyond what I consider to be my own capabilities. The challenge isn't so much the education as it is balancing everything else.

I continue because I have to, I somehow feel as if I have no choice. There is something that drives me to spend every waking second working toward some undefined goal rather than enjoy what I have earned, by the grace of God. It isn't the money I want, or notoriety. All I desire is a feeling that I'm finished, that I've arrived at my destination, which I have not, but I have the world's best travelling companions.

Chiopino and the Joys of Being out of School

2009-12-31T12:16:00.000-08:00

I have now been done with the semester for two weeks. For the last two years I have been plugging away at my biology degree while working full-time and trying... trying to be a good husband and dad with all the duties and responsibilities entailed therein. I've done remarkably well with the education stuff and I've held up my end at work, but the husband/father duties I have somewhat found myself relying on the meager helpings of downtime to fulfill.

Ecstatically, I now reclaim that cherished leather upholstered throne of husband and father, and, to vastly understate the reception, I have been cordially welcomed. I am now able to make family functions and more notably of recent: Chiopino Night!

Ah yes, chiopino, that delectable conglomerate of shellfish, linguisa and quintessential southern European and Mediterranean ingredients, slow simmered for hours in an over-sized pot over an over-sized outdoor stove.

As the family Chiopino Night apothegm goes, "Chiopino is not a meal, its and experience". The antecedent for the differentiation has much to do with the activity involved in the preparations and consumption. The various mollusks, fish and arthropodia are deemed fully cooked and properly prepared by the chef, which is a position of such notoriety that it has been deemed necessary by the patriarch to have a would-be chiopino chef learn and recite the recipe over and over and over throughout the cooking process so that no ingredient is forgotten or prematurely added to the pot.

Once fully cooked, a mad dash for serving utensils, plates and silverware ensues resulting in a frenzied carniverous assault in and around the cauldron of red, pink and orange meat. Generous helpings of clams and mussels (still in their shells), King Crab legs, sausage, white fish, tomatoes, onions and still simmering sauce are heaped onto the plate. The scene resembles a flock of hungry seabirds swarming a newly beached crab. The result is a plate that resembles a veritable tide pool with garlicky tomato sauce instead of sea water. Tools of all sorts are used to excavate the meat from the cavernous crab appendages and mollusks shells. Conversation stops, at least for a few minutes, while moans of ecstasy permeate the soundscape testifying to culinary success.

Upon concluding the experience, we turn to dessert, which few have the gastronomic reserve capacity to stomach. We retire to couches, lounge chairs and carpeted floors to allow our bodies to absorb the sudden onslaught of gluttonous exertion.

Ah, yes! How great are the joys of having a free night to spend with the family!

(too find your own recipe for chiopino, there are numerous recipes throughout the internet with the two most common spellings being "cioppino" and "chiopino"... no you cannot have ours because, quite honestly, it evolves ever-so-slightly everytime we make it)

2009-12-26T17:21:00.001-08:00

A couple years ago, my brother and I went up to one of our favorite camp sites, or tried to. This was a camp site that my dad had been taking us to since we just wee lads. Our trip was apparently a tad early in the year and the road was covered in 3+ feet of snow and a small creek was running right underneath the snw pack straight down the middle of the road. We had to turn back.

Being gluttons for punishment, we decided to just drive until we found a place that we could camp for free soemwher in the wilderness, after all, we just needed someplace to sleep in order ot fish at sunrise the next morning. We found that spot, protected from the wind and still out in the open. We pitched the tent even though we lacked tent poles which was my stupid oversight.

The weather turned cold quickly up at 5000 feet and thepatchy snow in the area seemed to absorb every last breath of warmth in the small coll that we haddecided to hunker down in. We lit a small fire using some cardboard refuse we found along the dirt road near our site and warmed ourselves by it until it oxidized itself down to embers. That night, I slept uneasily. It didn't take me long to fall asleep due to the crisp thin Sierra air, but once alseep I had a dream of epic proportions that consisted of our improvised tent and campsite being infiltrated by a VERY large grizzly bear. After the attack was thwarted by my brother's quick action of lighting a tree branch on fire and beating the bear back and freak thunder storm came through somehow turning the col into a raging torrent of whitewater. As dry land became scarcer and scarcer different things start floatign down this new river like cars, boulders, people and even parts of what appear to be a crashed jetliner.

My brother and I rescue all the poor victims from the raging waters and lose our tent and other camping amenities. Then I woke up.

It was one of those rare dreams that I remember vivdily yearsd afterward

The gastronomic safari into proccessed meats continues...

2009-09-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

For some reason, the word "liverwurst" has always made my stomach churn. The poor, innocent word summons feelings of gastronomic fear even in the most liberal of inquisitive cuisine connoisseurs. That is why today, in a self-less act of pitty, I chose to give the poor processed liver sausage a chance.

While doing a bit of shopping with my wife today, I walked passed a small white package of the stuff. I was immediately entranced by it. It was like those moths that fly into your porch light thinking that it might just be the light we all seek just to find out that no matter how fast and hard they fly into it, they just keep bonking their heads. Stupid moths!

but I digress...

"It looks kinda like pâté," I said to my wife, utterly intrigued by our chance meeting in the meat isle.

"Hmm," she pondered, not even thinking that I could be seriously considering the low-class version of one of her favorite hors d'oeuvre for consumption in her home.

As I walked passed the meat cooler toward the dairy section, still deeply consumed by the possibilities, I asked, "Have you ever tried it?"

"What?"

"The liverwurst. Have you ever tried liverwurst?"

"No, I don't think so."

I lost track of the world around me as I began to thrill with the possibility of having discovered something altogether unheard of in my social circle. What if it is amazing? What if I discover to the benefit of my whole family this potentially disgusting processed meat is uterly delectable. I could bring it over to my parent's house on Thanksgiving when we are all together and they will marvel at my... wait!

There was still a huge variable here. What the heck is liverwurst? Is it something I want to eat? Is something I even want an old friend from high school to see me carrying through the grocesupermarket? Could this be potentially embarrassing for me, like accidentally buying women's socks from the 50% off bin at Walmart?

I wasn't going to let something like self-respect get in the way of my quest for new and exciting foods. We were just about to leave and purchase our groceries when I dashed from my wife's view. This is not uncommon on our grocery trips. I usually realize that we have forgotten an important item that unintentionally (or sometimes completely intentionally) went over-looked by my bargain detective wife. This was different, when I showed up with the liverwurst, she gave the small white package a stern stare as if to say to the lifeless lump of meat, "You'd better not be gross."

Alas, I was still lost.

"How do you eat this, honey?"

My wife didn't spend a moment thinking about the answer, "I guess like pâté. I'll find some good crackers to try it on."

It was all I could think about on the drive home. As I unloaded groceries, I kept a close eye on the bag that contained my exotic (to me) new find. Unloading the groceries seemed to take far too long as those smooth little slices of liverwurst wrapped-up in that glossy white casing stared back at me with equitable curiosity. I found the crackers and ripped them open trying not to appear too anxious to try the liverwurst which, for all I knew, could taste like something the insidious Bear Grylls would try only in the most dire of survival situations.

What Happened? What did it taste like? How many calories are there in two slices which is the official serving size? Does it spread as wonderfully as goose liver pâté?

I can't ruin the adventure for you. You ought try it for yourself. Good luck!

If you liked this little jaunt into the exciting world of processed meat, you should read my past blog: Canned stuff... especially SPAM... and how I love it.

**********Spolier alert**********

I liked it. ;-)

My Political Affiliation

2009-09-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

Be warned: This is not exciting content unless you're all deeply introspective and stuff. :)

I’ve been asked on multiple occasions, especially over the last few years, what my political affiliation is. After initially cringing at the prospect of explaining myself and not giving the impression that I have, in any way, shirked off the orthodoxy that I do so greatly value, I will gather my thoughts and start simply.

I am a Christian first.

The easy answer is simply, “I am a Christian.” But this is seldom enough answer for the inquisitor. This is the very crux of the problem facing Christianity in general. That is, the ambiguity of what it is to be a Christian. This ambiguity is not secondary to vagueness, as would seem logical, but instead a problem of too much detail. Christianity is an ancient faith that has inspired so much of civilization that it continues to have a huge impact on our little worlds here in western culture. I fear for the future of the American church with the constant ebb and flow between legalism and liberalism that keeps the community in constant flux, almost a state of chaos.

We are killing ourselves with new unscriptural conventions. Stereo-types within the chaotic environment draw attention to those whom we prefer no attention ever be drawn to. Take, for instance, Joel Osteen. If you aren’t familiar with him, I’m sure you can find plenty of illuminating criticism on the internet. Joel Osteen has re-defined evangelicalism in a way that would make even the most trendy evangelicals writhe in their pews. He has re-written what some may deem a contract between man and God that has reduced the Creator of heaven and Earth to a supernatural vending machine who’s sole mission is to make us happy by giving us stuff.

When it comes to party lines, I don’t even want to come close to having any sort of affiliation with his theology. This can lead to a whole new set of problems, however. There tends to be this ideal of “you are either with us or against us” where social issues are set on a table to a line is drawn. On one side you have the right wing view and on the other you have the diametrically opposed Left wing ideal. As for me, no party can dictate my views. Jesus makes no show of favor toward one group, class or sect in his ministries from His rebuke of Peter to the mercy shown to the Samaritan woman. Jesus loves them all equally but also equally hates the sin that pervades into their lives.

I Hate Hate.

“Don’t judge me!” is the demand of a guilty person. Can we judge one another? Certainly. Are we truly fit to accurately judge one another. In most cases, probably not. Understand this, I hate sin in all of its forms, probably not as much as I should, and I’m sure that there is sin in my own life that I do not hate nearly as much as God does or that God wishes I did. Being fallen, sinful creatures, we are really, seriously, depravedly in a love affair with sin. Paul calls this “loving the world”. We are given to “desires of the flesh” which include any number of sins including one of the most notoriously dangerous, arrogance. By asserting that our judgment of others is based solely on righteous motivations is slippery, but possible, I believe. By asserting the our judgment of ourselves, our own actions by virtue of our own intellect and absent of a static moral foundation is just debased.

On the topic of judgment, it is important to understand the difference between being able to see and discern sinful behavior in others and ourselves from becoming blind to the need of others to be exposed to the light that has saved us from ourselves. To get the big picture view of what it means to love like a Christian, we have to learn to not hate like the world. We need to understand our own propensity from sin and that what good comes from us is by the work of the Holy Spirit, by the mercy of God the Father and by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. In spite of our sin, our intentional and personal decisions to alienate ourselves from God for love of the “world” so to speak, God loved us so deeply that He provided for us a way to be reconciled to Him.

God does not hate gays. God does not hate drug dealers. God does not hate the prison guards at Abu Ghraib, President Bush or President Obama. God hates sin. Those who love sin distance themselves from God but are no less worthy of salvation than me or anyone else because we, ourselves, have done nothing to deserve such grace, otherwise what grace would it be. I am not “pro-gay” in the conventional sense of the word, but I am not their enemy. I do not seek any one individual’s eternal demise (to say this more definitely I would have to do some serious “soul searching” so it would be better to see this as a goal of mine, not something I have accomplished already) for their lifestyle, but I feel grief for their choice of worldly lusts over an eternity in the presence of God. I could not embrace the ideals of any community who seeks to circumvent the moral foundations of the Bible, as it clearly states, but hate them, I will not.

Major on The Majors; Minor on The Minors.

In terms of what I consider to be Christian and non-Christian, I cannot help but be bold on this issue. If the Bible doesn’t teach that something is wrong either directly or indirectly through application of orthodox theological precepts (which are the genuine precepts that hold true from generation to generation despite our efforts to de-conventionalize or re-configure Western Christianity) I can only do my best by submitting to the authority of God and the Bible with hope that the Holy Spirit will provide the needed ability to further discern between what is right and wrong. On issues in which the Bible is silent, we must do our best to confront them openly and head-on without falling into the trap of polarizing ourselves to the extent that there is a significant division within the church.

On these small issues such as those concerning alcohol prohibition, young earth creationism versus old earth creationism, etc., an old adage may be best used to sum up my point of view: “Major on the majors and minor on the minors.” If there is no reasonable expectation that a certain belief or sin can jeopardize one’s salvation, then it is best left to their conscience to dictate to them the correct path. For one who is in communion with God, this conscience is influenced by the Holy Spirit whom you received upon your confession of faith and salvation paid forward by Christ.

Defining Oneself.

The label that one must assign to themselves as dictated by the culture tends to be based on multiple aspects of one’s beliefs. However, the molds are made of steel and the casts of stone. With a idealized notion that the mold forged by the relatively polarized political climate in the U.S. is one-size-fits-all, many people find themselves without an ability to sufficiently specify what they are for or against in the current context. It is this reason that I have gone from once loving the challenge of arguing politics with those of other persuasions to abhorring the idea of it. The reason for the shift is the tendency of others (which you may choose to also include me) to assume that if this person in question holds one point of view they must also hold this one, or behave this way, or watch MTV or write letters to Oprah or whatever.

This philosophical prejudice hurts society as a whole, limiting would-be constructive conversations to defamation-fringed arguments that misrepresent the opposing view and lack the needed unassuming attitude of one who is sincerely investigating the world around them and seeking truth. Due to this unfortunate climate, I feel that we must seek, instead, liberty from tyrannical parties that dictate where our vote will go and create such a chasm between it and the other that one feels as if he has to choose the lesser of two evils when departure from such a framework would be the only actual way to succeed in voicing an opinion that actually fits with his owns personal convictions.

This liberty need not fall into the cesspool of hedonism or anarchy, but can -- and for confessing Christians should -- reflect the morally consistent convictions of a person who accepts the life of Christ as the authority on righteousness, virtue and law. We can live within the bounds of the law of our land and must hold ourselves and our governments accountable. The political and religious affiliations that we have though, may conveniently fit most ideals, must be closely monitored for the subtle compromises that lead to the eventual decay of truth. We must be careful not to deter from orthodox scriptural doctrine to become a hard-line party-follower at the expense of our moral and ethical restraint.

These are my political and moral convictions. They are simple. Love God. Love others. Seek the light. Admonish the dark. Trust in God because we can’t stop sin or legislate it away, because it will always find a new a clever way to come back. We must act within the bounds of the law but seek to improve it. We must wait with hope in God for the return of His son and be good stewards with what we have been entrusted.